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Monday Night Raw ABRIDGED 09.22.2008: Charlie Haas is Perfect!

September 23rd, 2008 by RJ45

Y2J: Hi, I am very angry about this ladder match. But you see me on this ladder. I am going to demonstrate what I am doing at NO MERCY. AGH!

Randy Orton: It is only a matter of time til the Age of Orton continues! Because no one can touch me and I can’t touch anybody, or else they are suspended!

CM Punk: Touch touch touch!

Mike Adamle: You’re suspended!

Shane McMahon: No he isn’t!

Randy Orton: RARRR!!! Me throw ladder! GRR!!

CM Punk: Its time to fight!

Cody Rhodes: God damn, do I have the lamest theme song ever?

CM Punk: Some might say its priceless!
Cody Rhodes: ???

:: CM Punk wins ::

Ted Dibiase: You can’t defeat us!

Manu: I’m the son of Afa!
Kofi Kingston: No mon! You crazy! Unfinished bizness!

Mike Adamle: You embarrassed me Shane!
Shane McMahon: Yeah, and?

Kane: HI SHANE! I want Rey Mysterio Mike!
Mike Adamle: Sure thing!
Kane: Say hi to your mom for me, Shane!

Mike Adamle: Shane, did your mom used to date Kane?
Shane McMahon: Dude… do you ever do your homework?

Kelly Kelly: Santino, wtf?
Beth Phoenix: QUIT LAUGHING AT ME!!!

Santino Marella: I brokeded my face! Watch me impersonate Batista!
Batista: Yeah, I’m right behind you!

Santino Marella: The Honk-a-Meter is here… comparing me to the ah Honky Donkey Man! 64 weeks to 5 weeks!

Deuce: REMEMBER ME!

Everyone: NO!

Santino Marella: Come on Fonz!
:: Santino wins ::

Rey Mysterio: PEP TALK!

Evan Bourne: Yeah! PEP TALK!

Kane: ME CRAZY!

Evan Bourne: I’m just awesome!
:: Kane wins ::

Kane: Not awesome enough!

Rey Mysterio: Its midget rage time!
Kane: NO!!!

Jamie Noble: Shane! I want William Regal!
Shane McMahon: Ummm… no.

Dolph Ziegler: Hi, I’m a Generic Guy With a Generic Name, but I Am Really Ripped!
Shane McMahon: Nice to meet you Generic Guy With a Generic Name, but is Really Ripped.

Jamie Noble: Generic Guy With a Generic Name, but is Really Ripped, you’re cuttting in on my time.

Randy Orton: NOW ITS MY TURN! Shane, I want respect! I’m 3rd generation.

Shane McMahon: Well, I am 4th generation, BIYOTCH!

Beth Phoenix: I’m angry!

Kelly Kelly: I’m hot!

Santino Marella: Watch me create a diversion to help Beth win!

:: Kelly Kelly wins ::

Beth Phoenix: Time to whip some ass!

Batista: I don’t think so!

Miz & Morrison: Cryme Tyme is lame!

Cryme Tyme: Miz & Morrison are posers!

Miz & Morrison: Am not!

Cryme Tyme: Am too!

Miz & Morrison: Am not!

Cryme Tyme: Am too!

Miz & Morrison: YOU’RE THE POSERS!

Miz & Morrison: We are awesome!

Cryme Tyme: Nah, not so much…

:: Miz & Morrison win! ::

Miz & Morrison: What do you think OF THAT?!

Y2J: Adamle, Shane is TESTING you!

Mike Adamle: He is?

Y2J: OH SUUURRREE!

Charlie Haas: I am Charlie Haas! And I am absolutely perfect!

Various Indoor & Outdoor Sports: Ahh… not so much.Lillian: This is now a HANDICAP MATCH!

Y2J & Cade: We stoled your matches!

JBL: Damn straight!
Batista: Well this fucking sucks.

HBK: Tell me about it….

Lance Cade: Hey, how about I get the pin?

:: Lance Cade, Chris Jericho, and JBL win! ::

RJ45’s Perspective:

Its an okay edition of Raw. Nothing major.
Right now, the best 3 things right now on Raw are Y2J/HBK, Glamerella, and Charlie Haas. In a distant fourth is Randy Orton.
Overall, not a whole lot of perspective. I am really looking forward to the ladder match at No Mercy, though!

Till next time!

RJ45

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Monday Night Raw 09.08.2008: Y2J is Champion!

September 9th, 2008 by RJ45

Y2J: I am champion! Look at my battered body! OWIE! HBK is a bad bad man!

Mike Adamle: Next week, you will be facing CM Punk for the World Title. And you will be facing Batista… TOMORROW! Dammit, I mean TONIGHT!

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Monday Night Raw ABRIDGED 09.01.2008: Scramble Royals!

September 2nd, 2008 by RJ45

In Memory of Killer Kowalski

Randy Orton: Ever since I fell off my tricycle, and ever since Triple H broke my collar, which that was a really good shirt he did it on, by the way… I have seen RAW become a Joke. All of the champions are a joke. Your momma is a joke, and so is YOUR FACE!

CM Punk: I am not a joke!

JBL: Blah blah blah blah… wrestling god… blah blah blah…

Kane: DESTRUCTION!

Batista: Batista SMASH!

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Monday Night Raw ABRIDGED 08.26.2008: One Night Only on Sci-Fi!

August 26th, 2008 by RJ45

Sorry for the lack of posts the recent weeks. It has been crazy at work and so I’ve just had that weighed down at me. Hopefully I can continue now with my regularly scheduled posting.

CM Punk: Alright, this is my opening interview!

Lillian Garcia: Ummm no… you have a match?
CM Punk: A match?
JBL: Alright, I am coming out to interrupt CM Punk’s opening interview!

Lillian Garcia: NO! ITS A MATCH!

CM Punk: A match opening Raw, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!

JBL: Lets have a kick ass match. Raw hardly ever has one of those.

CM Punk: Sounds good to me…

:: CM Punk wins ::

Dipshit Fans: C M .. .P N U K!

Mike Adamle: John Cena broke his NECKS… so there will be a replacement that is worthwhile.

Kane: I like pain. Rey Mysterio is a punk.

Mike Adamle: Welcome Primo! You are Carlito’s brother. Me sorry about last week.

Primo Colon: That’s okay, but don’t compare me to my jerk brother, Carlito! PUH-LEEZ.

Shawn Michaels: I want Jericho… TONIGHT!

Mike Adamle: He’s not here. How’s the wife?

Shawn Michaels: You’re a douche…

Beth Phoenix: I’m Chyna… only better looking, better wrestler, better mic skills…

Santino Marella: AND BETTER FUCKING!

Beth Phoenix: …

Kelly Kelly: Let me accidentally bust open your nose…

Santino Marella: I object this busting of noses!

Beth Phoenix: Stay out of my match!

:: Kelly Kelly wins ::

Santino Marella: Something tells me that tonight is a sleep on the couch night

Beth Phoenix: No, something tells me that tonight is a I Beat the Shit Out of You Night

Charlito: Hint hint… I’m not really Carlito… I’m Charlie Haas

Primo Colon: You insult my family and my honor… I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL!

Charlito: Uhh…

:: Primo Colon wins ::

HBK: I am angry. Jericho! I want your bloooooood.

Y2J: I will hurt you.

HBK: I will hurt you.

Y2J: NO! I will hurt YOOUUUUUUU.

HBK: I want a match

Y2J: But… I will hurt you…are you sure?

HBK: Dude, you hit my wife, what the fuck do you think?

Y2J: Okay, if you insist… but I will HURT YOU.

Simply Priceless: We want our tag titles back!

Jerry Lawler: I want my molecules back!

Hacksaw Jim Duggan: HOOOO!!!!

:: Simply Priceless wins ::

Cryme Tyme: We want a match at Unforgiven!

Simply Priceless: You’re on! It will be priceless.

Cryme Tyme: Silly rabbit… TRIX ARE FOR KIDS! MONEY MONEY! YEAH! YEAH!

Batista: Me sorry Cena. Kane, this… personal… BATISTA SMASH!

Santino Marella: Watch out, my girlfriend can kick my ass!

Kofi Kingston: Ya mon! This Jamaican will kick your butt!

Santino Marella: RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!

Beth Phoenix: I don’t think so

Santino Marella: NO!!!

Beth Phoenix: SWERVE! I take out Kofi!

:: Santino Marella wins ::

Beth Phoenix: How can I stay mad at you… my Italian Stallion!

Santino Marella: You not mad? THANK GOD!

Mike Adamle: Your replacement for the Championship Scramble is… REY MYSTERIO!

Batista: THIS… PERSONAL!

Kane: I enjoy pain! In fact, EAT CHAIR!

:: Batista wins by DQ ::

Batista: You…Eat… CHAIR! SMASH! GRR!

:: credits roll ::

RJ45’s Perspective:

I’m calling it right here… Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho is the Feud of the Year.
Is it slightly scary that Jim Duggan & Jerry Lawler are still slightly better workers than some of the n00bs WWE has brought in recently?
Isn’t it a little funny that the tag team title match at Unforgiven is The Two Absolute Whitest Guys on the Roster Right Down to Their Theme Song vs. The Ultra Negative African American Racial Stereotypes?
Santino Marella & Beth Phoenix have great chemistry.
The championship scramble matches will go in one of four directions:
A. Be a lot of crazy fun
B. Be a huge confusing clusterfuck
C. Be boring.
D. A health combination of both A & BI am going to with D, personally.

Till next time, folks!

RJ45

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Monday Night Raw ABRIDGED 08.04.2008: An Adamle Original

August 5th, 2008 by RJ45

Mike Adamle: Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall! Tonight, 3 title matches!

JBL: I want a title shot!

Jericho: NO! I WANT A TITLE SHOT!

Mike Adamle: Okay bitches, tonight, we have a handicap match for number one contendership!

Kofi Kingston: Ya mon!

Paul Burchill: Incest is best to put your sister to the test…

Kofi Kingston: Dude, that’s just weird. Even if she’s your pretend sister…

:: Kofi wins ::
Katie Lea: GRR! NOBODY BEATS MY HANDSOME BROTHER

Mickie James: RUN IN TIME!

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Monday Night Raw ABRIDGED 09.22.2008: Charlie Haas is Perfect!

Monday Night Raw 09.08.2008: Y2J is Champion!

Monday Night Raw ABRIDGED 09.01.2008: Scramble Royals!

Monday Night Raw ABRIDGED 08.26.2008: One Night Only on Sci-Fi!

Monday Night Raw ABRIDGED 08.04.2008: An Adamle Original