Another year, another Wrestlemania!

The Big Show & Kane vs. Carlito Caribbean Cool & Chris Masters

Lashley vs. Matt Hardy vs. Fit Finlay vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. RVD vs. Ric Flair

    This one was almost as good as Money in the Bank 1.Between Shelton once again playing the roll of Spiderman and Ric Flair taking huge bumps at almost being the age of 60, it was an impressive ladder match. I really do hope they make this a Wrestlemania tradition. Fit Finlay, like I had predicted, did jack shit in the match. This was the first time I had seen Lashley wrestle since I don’t get to watch Smackdown too much. He did alright but I knew he was out of his element just by looking at him (sure sign I’ve watched too much wrestling in my lifetime).

    RVD winning was a pleasant surprise. I knew it was going to be one of the RAW guys, but it really was a toss-up for me. I’m happy, even though I was 0 and 2 for predictions as this point.

Match Rating: ****1/4

JBL vs. Chris Benoit

    I didn’t get to see this match because of a fucking tornado warning…and we all ducked down in the basement like any sane person would. God bless the Midwest! JBL won though…putting me at 0 and 3 for predictions!

Match Rating: N/A

    I said this was going to be match of the night, and I was right! Words can not describe the intensity both competitors brought to this match. It definitely was a lot more than just a regular garbage match. It was the classic Foley match psychology. His opponent throws everything but the kitchen sink at Foley, but he still gets back up until the big spot. We saw all of the classics…thumbtacks, chairs, steel steps, barbed wire, and the topper…Edge speared Foley through a table on fire! Now how is that for a holy shit moment? Oh yeah, and this was also the first prediction I got right. 1 for 4! This is definitely a star making match for Edge.

Match Rating: *****

    The pre-match segment was better than the actual match itself. Booker was walking down the backstage with Sharmell where they ran into just about every freak you could think of…Burchill, Gene Snitsky licking Mae’s Young’s foot along with the Fabulous Moolah, Eugene with Ted Dibease, and the grand daddy of the freaks…GOLDUST. It was a very funny segment and I totally marked out for the patent Ted Dibease laugh.

    I felt kind of bad for both competitors as the crowd composed of primarily internet smarts were just not buying into this. I still think Boogeyman has a good future and possibly a United States Title reign ahead of him. He does the Papa Shongo gimmick a lot better than Papa Shongo ever did. Despite a hostile crowd, Boogeyman, Booker, and Sharmell played into their roles really well. Boogeyman kissing Sharmell with worms in his mouth is still a classic moment. Oh well… Oh yeah, and I am 2 for 5 in my predictions.

Match Rating: 1/2*

Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James

    Wow…a great woman’s match with a hot crowd cheering the wrestlers and not the boobies…who would have thunk? Aside from a few botched spots (including the finish) this is probably the Steamboat-Savage of Wrestlemania Women’s matches. The match had great ring psychology due to Mickie working on Trish’s leg so she couldn’t do the Chick Kick and many of her other trademark moves. The bizarre crowd cheered the heel, Mickie, on during every move. Although seriously, a primarily male audience cheering on a Hot Psychotic Lesbian who wants a piece of Trish Stratus’s ass is not a far stretch.

    As for the botched finish, one could argue that the reason why they botched the Stratusfaction is that Trish’s leg gave out because Mickie had been working on it the entire match. Okay, I’m not buying that either but it was worth a shot. Good job and I hope to see more good women’s matches like this in the future. Oh yeah, and 3 for 6!

Match Rating: ***1/2

The Undertaker vs. Mark Henry

    Okay, I knew that this match was going to suck, and it pretty much did. Thankfully, it didn’t last any more than 10 minutes. The only thing that keeps this from going into the negative stars is the three high spots and the fact it was short. The high spots were Undertaker leaping over the ropes and over the casket, the last ride, and the tombstone. Of course, I said Mark Henry had no chance in hell, and I was damn right. Now maybe the WWE can just count their losses in August and release Henry. 4 for 7.

Match Rating 1/2*

    This is the very definition of Shawn Michaels working a miracle. Then again, he can practically carry a broomstick to a 3 and 1/2 star match…which is pretty much what he did here. The story in the match is that HBK was pulling out the old evil self out of him to decimate Mr. McMahon. He pretty much did and made it an entertaining overbooked match. First entertaining segment was HBK shoving Shane into Vince’s ass. Then, he handcuffed him outside and beat the shit out of him with a Kendo Stick. Then, he proceeded to beat the crap out of Mr. McMahon. The big spot was a beautifully executed elbow drop from the top of a huge ladder onto a table with Mr. McMahon wearing a trash can over his head. Then, Michaels dragged Vince’s ass up and delivered a stiff superkick to Vince for the pin. Good job to Michaels. He may not have had match of the night like Wrestlemanias 10, 11, 12, 14, 19, 20, and 21…but he did great working the proverbial broomstick to a good match. Of course, that got me 5 for 8 in predictions!

Match Rating: ***3/4

Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle vs. Randy Orton

    This match should have gone on last. Oh well, because it was still a fun match, albeit a bit short. They went for the classic band signing the wrestler down to the ring with Rey Mysterio, and he was decked out in traditional luchador attire. The match itself was great. Mysterio bumped like a motherfucker, Orton was fluid as ever, and Angle was kicking ass. In a very emotional moment, Mysterio got the pin and is the new champion. There were two things that I was emotional about. I have been a Mysterio supporter since I first saw him in 1996. I remember kids making fun of me because I wanted to see Mysterio as the champion. Well, fuck them because Mysterio is the god damn Champion! The other is the upsetting loss of Eddie Guerrero and this match being dedicated to him.

    I think the only thing that pissed me off was the crowd. They were booing Mysterio in the match probably because they were afraid of cheering on the possible loser in the match and didn’t want to be made fools out of. Then, Mysterio wins and everyone’s all of sudden a Mysterio fan. Fuck them, my man won and that’s all I give a damn about.

    I take that back, there were 2 things that pissed me off. The other is that I wish they would have given this match about 6 more minutes. That’s all I wanted because I totally loving it, but I am a sucker for a good Triple Threat match ever since Benoit/HHH/Michaels. That also brings me at 6 for 9.

Match Rating: ****

Torrie Wilson vs. Candice

    Okay, Candice did not do her bed entrance, so that’s pretty much it for me. I am sorry but when the crowd chants boring at two chicks in lingerie, you know that the WWE has overdone the Glorified T & A. Its time for the chicks to start showing their boobs or for the WWE to drop this crap/use it much more sparingly. We obviously know that the former won’t happen so it is time for the latter. Classic chant directed at Candice “COLL-O-GEN! COLL-O-GEN!” Torrie won and I lost my prediction, but I don’t really care. I guess that is 6 for 10.

Match Rating: DUD

John Cena vs. Triple H

    There is a lot to talk about here. First, let me talk about the entrances. I do like “Bow Down to the King” theme by Motorhead. Those guys can’t do Triple H wrong. However, the “Conan’s Bastard Viking Cousin” thing just didn’t work for Triple H. He first came out on a thrown and was decked out in fur, with a big crown and wielded a hammer. I am not joking. It just doesn’t get anymore homoerotic folks! As my friend Nick said, judging by Triple H’s expression during the whole throne thing, his face said, “Guys, this isn’t going to work out.”

    As bad as Triple H’s was, John Cena’s totally backfired. It was opened with an old school gangster video from the 20s. Then, 20s mafia gangsters came out with Tommy Guns. Then, John Cena came out in a back trench coat. He then busted out a Tommy Gun and shot into the air. Basically, they associated John Cena with a group of people who viciously murdered people on St. Valentine’s Day Massacre…in the city that infamous event happened! Although this may had been cool in 1999, this is a post 9/11 world, and the crowd already hates John Cena. What the hell was the WWE thinking?!

    The match itself was okay. The crowd literally cheered every one of Triple H’s moves and booed every one of John Cena’s moves. Including a very funny moment where the competitors exchanged punches, it went “Boo! Yay! Boo! Yay! Boo! Yay!”

    Of course, despite all of that, John Cena won anyway! At this point,, Nick & I just started laughing when Triple H tapped out.  This match did earn me the respect of Triple H. Despite a very hostile and backwards crowd, he  still managed to pull a main event out of his ass despite Cena looking a bit discouraged from getting X-Pac Heat (and who can blame him for that?).

Match Rating: **3/4 for their effort

I had a fun night, as you can tell. At this point, if I was to rank all of the Wrestlemanias from my most favorite to my least favorite, it would be this:

• WM20 (Benoit winning the gold & old school Taker’s return along with Eddie & Benoit’s celebration at the end is what it is all about)
• WM17  (Good from top to bottom)
• WM21 (Michaels/Angle, Money in the Bank, Taker/Orton, Cena getting a pleasant surprise win out of nowhere, and Batista handing Triple H his ass)
• WM10 (Bret/Owen, Michaels/Razor, and Bret’s celebration at the end)
• WM8 (the first Wrestlemania I watched live…Savage/Flair and Hart/Piper)
• WM22 (see the entire article above)
• WM14 (Relaunched WWF and made me proud to be a fan again…Austin/Tyson/Michaels is what it is all about)
• WM3 (Classic Mania - Hulk/Andre, Savage/Steamboat)
• WM18 (Hogan/Rock being a total scream at the TV-fest)
• WM12 (Hart/Michaels)
• WM19 (Michaels/Jericho, Angle/Brock, and Austin/Rock III…but the rest just pisses me off for some reason)
• WM16 (the Ladder Match is the only highlight…Triple H walking out as the heel champion was horrible)
• WM5 (Hogan/Savage, Piper’s Pit, and the rest is filler)
• WM6 (Hogan/Warrior and the rest is a bunch of filler)
• WM13 (Austin/Hart is a classic…great to see Taker getting his rightful run as champ, skip the rest)
• WM15 (Austin/Rock is great…but the rest is Rusofied crap)
• WM7 (Warrior/Savage is great. Taker starts his Wrestlemania reign. Desert Storm gets exploited for ticket sales…shame on the WWF)
• WM4 (Savage wins 4 matches in one night…but there way too many short matches)
• WM11 (Diesel/Michaels is great…Bam Bam/LT is the best celebrity match of all time…but the whole event pisses me off for some reason)
• WM1 (First mania…nothing really good but it started everything)
• WM9 (This is a big steaming pile of crap…where the fuck do I begin?!)
• WM2 (Like the first mania, only it doesn’t have the fact that its the first Mania behind it, and the three arena crap!)

    Well, that is all I got for today! Till next time folks!

Merry we meet,

RJ45