This Sunday, WWE hosts arguably the most anticipated Pay Per View of every WWE Year. That is The Royal Rumble!

The Most Star Studded Royal Rumble Match Ever

The Story: Dude, its the fucking Royal Rumble! It doesn’t even need a story! The winner goes on to Wrestlemania after 1 hour of non-stop excitement. The little gimmick here is that this one has the most upper midcarders and main eventers to be featured in a Royal Rumble. Looking at this picture, I see 18 plausible winners, so I can see that argument… especially with The Miz.

Predicted Winners:

Smackdown -  The Undertaker

Raw - Shawn Michaels

ECW - CM Punk

MISTER KENNEDY! vs. Batista

The Story: MISTER KENNEDY has defeated everybody, and has won championships. Now, the only thing left for him is the World Title. Batista has that title. Boom…insta-main event!

Predicted Winner - Batista

UUUMMMAAAGGGAAA vs. John Cena

The Story: UUUMMMAAAGGGAAA was undefeated for awhile. Cena defeated him at New Years Revolution. Now he’s not undefeated. EESSTTRRAADDAA called it a fluke. This hurt John Cena’s feelings. After crying in his beer, he went on for a rematch. Umaga may have ruptured John Cena’s spleen too with a wicked table spot. WOW! Despite the fact that no doctor or promoter in their right mind would let a wrestler compete so early after ruptering a spleen…and thus defying all logic, Cena will take on UUUMMMAAAGGGAAA in the Rematch of the Century.

Predicted Winner: John Cena

Brock Lesnar II vs. Test(icle)

Test was randomly pushed into the ECW Title scene for no reason and now has Lashley this Sunda. Excluding the rather decisive finish from last Tuesday’s ECW show where Test has no excuse about his loss…Test TOTALLY deserves this title shot in both kayfabe and not kayfabe. OHHH YEAH!

Predicted Winner: Brock Lesnar II

The Hardy Boyz vs. Kane Jr. & Johnny Nitro

Hardy Boyz broke Mercury’s nose in a randomly booked ladder match. That smarted. Therefore, these teams hate each other.

Predicted Winners: MNM

RIP Bam Bam

HBK: I’m BAAAAACCCKKK!!! Ignoring the fact you want to know the fate of DX. I will go to Wrestlemania 23 and become champion!
Edge: Not if I have anything to say with it. What makes you think you will go to the main event and not MEEE!
HBK: I have a better head of hair. I mean, look at these locks!
Edge: No…I DO!
HBK: Your hair needs Head & Shoulders!
Edge: ITS ON, BITCH!
::Edge and HBK brawl to the back::

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Well, its that time again! WWE has realized that they spent too much money on some randomly stupid endevour (This time, hiring too old mediocre wrestlers for the new ECW such as Danny Boring). So, they take out their frustrations by firing people! YEAH! Ruining people’s lives are always something the WWE takes great pride in. I will update this list as more names come in!

Tatanka - Well, at least he had a decent comeback and his career went out with more of a bang than the wimper it did back in the mid-90s. He even actually held his first WWE title as WWE Tag Champion with Matt Hardy. The Tatanka 2006 Nostalgia Tour is over and at least he left with some dignity.

Christopher W. Anderson - OH NOES! NOT CW!

Bill DeMott - Technically, you can call him the most successful secondary Tough Enough trainer because the sole survivor of Tough Enough that is still working for the WWE was training during his season. The others have been fired (Maven) or already had career ending injuries.(Nowinski). Not only that, but that sole survivor is in the Upper Midcard of RAW…I’m talking about JOHNNY NITRO! Other than that, Hugh Morris wasn’t all that great. He was pretty good on the mic and had a cool laugh, but never could really get anywhere due to the glass ceiling that was both his days in WCW and his days in WWE.

Sylvester Terkay - This is a bit of surprise to me seeing as how he was getting a decent amount of TV time over the past year. Come to think of it…why didn’t they have this guy take Great Khali’s spot on Raw instead of Giant Gonzalez II?! Perhaps we can blame his entire career failure on Michael Cole for sounding like such a weiner when constantly calling Turkey a “BULLY.” Well, that and the fact that his last name sounds like “Turkey.”

Jazz - Well, damn…they could have moved her back onto Raw and at least rounded out the Woman’s division that consists entirely of Mickie & Victoria. Sure, you can hear crickets chirping when she makes her electrifying entrance to the ring, but at least she could wrestle!

Rodney Mack - I hate Rodney Mack. He sucks. When I heard they rehired him, I cried. He’s gone. Now I cry out of happiness. w00t!

Tony Mamaluke - Poor Tony Mamaluke…can this guy catch a damn break?! However, ONE AMERICAN DOLLAR says that this guy will be competing on Impact in two weeks.

The Bashams (Danny and Doug) - For those who give a fuck, please stand up? They’re like The Harris Twins only with slightly more talent..slightly.

Al Snow - This one is rather misleading. He’s been relieved as a wrestler and can resume his duties as a trainer. Therefore…nothing has really changed as he only made like close to three appearances in the new ECW.

The Gymini - Who?

Gangrel - What the fuck?! I didn’t even know he was under contract! Apparently neither did the WWE until they did an audit and realized that he was under contrract.

WWE Developmental
Greg Groothius (Jack Bull), Steven Adkins (Seth Skyfire), Ryan Reeves, Mike Taylor, Tracy Taylor, Tony Salantri, and Thomas Farra.

Damn…seven names! I don’t know who any of those people, but that that’s a lot of releases!