RIP Bam Bam

HBK: I’m BAAAAACCCKKK!!! Ignoring the fact you want to know the fate of DX. I will go to Wrestlemania 23 and become champion!
Edge: Not if I have anything to say with it. What makes you think you will go to the main event and not MEEE!
HBK: I have a better head of hair. I mean, look at these locks!
Edge: No…I DO!
HBK: Your hair needs Head & Shoulders!
Edge: ITS ON, BITCH!
::Edge and HBK brawl to the back::

Joey Mercury: Wow, so this is what a popular show looks like?
Jeff Hardy: Yeah…kind of cool.
Joey Mercury: So, like, what if we screw up, they can’t just edit out, right?
Jeff Hardy: Yeah, pretty much…
Joey Mercury: Damn.. I bet that’s a lot of pressure
Jeff Hardy: Nah…
Joey Mercury: So…
Jeff Hardy: Oh shut up already!
::Jeff Hardy  wins::

The Adventures of Vinnie & Coach #1
Coach: So, Vinnie… I am going to throw Edge & HBK OUT OF THE ARENA! Ha ha!
Vinnie: What are you, retarded?
Coach: Well ..uhh…you see… uhhh….

The Adventures of Vinnie & Coach #2
Vinnie: So, Donny hasn’t called me back yet. He doesn’t answer my emails or my texts. Donny! I am going to write you… A LETTER!
::DUN DUN DUN!::
Vinnie: Dear Donny… About our night together…
::John Cena comes out::
Cena: Hey Vinnie…you are a fucktard
Coach: Donny is a much bigger fucktard than Vinnie!
Cena: Well, Vinnie…you are so gay!
Coach: Donny is much gayer than Vinnie!
Cena: Okay Vinnie…you have a giant penis
Coach: Donny has a much bigger penis than Vinnie.
Vinnie: What are you, retarded?
Coach: Well ..uhh…you see… uhhh….

Chris Masters: No one can break my masterlock!
Super Crazy: I am super…and I am ccrrrraaazzy. That makes me…SUPER CRAZY!
::Super Crazy wins::

The Adventures of Vinnie & Coach #3
Coach: Hey Vinnie….can you call off the match?
Vinnie: Well, if the match goes on, you are likely to get your ass beat, right?
Coach: Quite possibly, yes
Vinnie: What are you, retarded?
Coach: Well ..uhh…you see… uhhh….

Coach: Okay Cena…now that Vinnie is gone. It is Coach’s time to shine!
Cena: What are you, retarded?
Coach: WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP ON SAYING THAT?! Royal Rumble time!
::Texas Rangers, World’s Greatest Tag Team, World’s Largest Love Machine, and World’s Most Boring Giant hit the ring::
::Great Khali wins::
UUUMMMMAAAAAGGGAAA: Grrrr!!!!
::UUUMMMMAAAAAGGGAAA lays out Cena::
JR: BY GAWD! BOOMER SOONER! BBQ SAUCE! JOHN CENA HAS BEEN BROKEN IN HALF!

Candice: Hey boys! Miss me? Somebody? … … anybody?
Mickie James: A wonderful thing is a Mickie. A Mickie’s a wonderful thing. Their tops are made out of rubber! Their bottoms are made out of spring! They’re bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, bouncy! Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun! The most wonderful thing. About Mickies is: I’m the only one!
Melina: Look how incredible fake my boobs are!
Victoria: For god sakes, can someone give me a new entrance theme song?
::Candice gets the win by actually wrestling::

Carlito: hey kenny, u wearing pink! lololololol! u gay!
Kenny: Just for that! You have been removed from my friends list!
Carlito: dude, i leik hav 42567 friends on myspace, bro.
Kenny: Make that 42566!
::Kenny Dykstra wins::

HBK: Okay, everybody knows that I have the best locks.
Edge: Dude, I spend more money on conditioner than you do on baby formula!
HBK: I don’t think so!
Orton: IT WAS ME, AUSTIN!
::Edge wins::
::Locker room empties out…RUMBLE TIME!::
JR: BY GAWD! THAT JEZEBEL! THIS SUNDAY! PAY…….. PER….. VIEW!!

• Is it just me, or could have Cena just as easily thrown himself over the top rope and then started his match with Coach…further proving that Coach is a retard. Instead, like all faces, they demonstrate their low IQ and over inflated pride.
• Candice actually didn’t do too bad! She’s always had an awesome sexy entrance…even though you can hear crickets roaring in the front row. Hell, I didn’t realize she was on the DL till I read an interview two weeks ago. The great thing is the crowd actually popped for her enthusiasm in the ring and when she got the pin. Maybe she will continue this road to improvement?
• Its official…Great Khali might make a much more interesting face than heel. Too bad he went back to his heel ways after taking everyone else out during his segment. Sure, he would still suck…but I always love the classic heel “I just shit my pants” look on their faces (Edge having the best shitpants expression in the biz)  Khali would do that. For now…he might want to practice on learning how to bend his back a little.

Till next week!

RJ45