Audience: Contract signing? Well…looks like Cena is going to get his ass kicked as per the Pro-Wrestling’s Rules & Regulations of Story-Telling.
::Cena kicks everyone’s ass:: Audience: Holy fuck…
Melina: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Nitro: Heh… oh, how do I know that sound from Melina…. IN BED!!!!!
Jeff: Ummm…sure…
Nitro: What are you implying?
Jeff: Well, I could take an hour to explain it to you or…
Maria: BOUNCEY BOUNCEY! Jeff: What she said! ::Jeff Hardy & Maria win::Read the rest of this entry »
Last Sunday, WWE held its 5th Pay-Per View in 2 months. Yeah, I think its time we start cutting some of these crapfests out.
So, we will measure up the results to my predictions, and my perspective on the whole thing.
Match 1: Cage Match for the IC Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Johnny Nitro
My Prediction: Johnny Nitro
The Actual Winner: Jeff Hardy
RJ45’s Perspective: Really? Did it really matter who won here? I think Johnny Nitro makes a great heel Intercontinental Champion. Definitely the best wrestler and product to ever come from Tough Enough. Jeff Hardy has definitely done well since he came back last Fall, but its his mic skills that is going to hold him back from ever breaking the glass ceiling. However, I do like how they are moving towards an awesome Wrestlemania Tag Match. Could it be the match I want? We will find out!
Match 2: Tag Team Turmoil
My Prediction: I didn’t even know this was on the damn card
The Winners: Cryme Tyme
RJ45’s Perspective: World’s Greatest Tag Team should have gone over here. Plain and simple. They could have even cheated to win when it came down to them and Cryme Tyme. However, I think it looks like that Cryme Tyme might be keeping the belts warm for WGTT. Even then, WGTT should have NOT lost to the Texas Rangers midway in the match. (BTW - Really original name, guys! Between them and Dykstra, someone in the creative team needs to stop watching baseball.) ARGH!
Match 3: Kenny Dykstra vs. Ric Flair
My Prediction: Ric Flair
The Actual Winner: Kenny Dykstra
RJ45’s Perspective: Okay, what purpose does it serve for Dykstra to continuously pin Natch? AT this point, I think it would be best that Natch take Dykstra under his wing…perhaps after a “Respect” match? (ala Pillman/Sullivan).
Match 4: Mickie James vs. Victoria
My Prediction: Victoria
The Actual Winner: Mickie James
RJ45’s Perspective: Congratulations WWE, after Trish and Lita have left, you guys have no women’s division! Nor any possible way of continuing this feud since Mickie just went over Victoria! It looks James and Melina may be feuding next, but you know that’s going to be “bowling shoe ugly” as Jim Ross would call it. Oh well, at least both of those ladies have nice asses.
I think the WWE needs to revamp the Women’s Division…just a bit. I guess what is next is possibly bringing in some actual competitors in from OVW (e.g. Beth Phoenix, Natalie Neidhart, etc.). Bring in Trinity from ECW. Then, move around some of the divas that at least show even some small promise of potential in-ring growth (e.g. Swap Ashley for Candice and Michelle McCool for Torrie) and perhaps try to salvage this mess a bit!
Match 5: D-Generation X vs. Rated RKO
My Prediction: D-Generation X
The Actual Winner: No Contest
RJ45’s Perspective: Well, between Triple H potentially tearing his quad AGAIN and Randy Orton hitting the best chair shot ever! This was one huge clusterfuck. As far as chair shots go…Step aside Rock/Mankind I Quit Match of Rumble ‘99…this one was the real motherf’n deal!
I also guess you can’t totally blame Orton on this one. Triple H’s knee injury totally messed with everyone’s mojo. It looked like Orton was going for an impromptu DQ to get Triple H to STOP BUMPING and PUTTING WEIGHT ON HIS LEG. You know with WWE, this is how the politics would go.
They Blame Orton: “Orton, you fucked up big time! You job to Eugene tonight!”
They Blame Triple H: “Man, you had a lot of guts and you were in so much pain. Its amazing you were even wrestling. Everything is understandable”
With Triple H possibly out for 6 to 8 months again, that means DX will probably have to temporary split up…this totally changes everything. The focus of RAW, the main even scene…EVERYTHING.
Match 6: Carlito vs. Chris Masters
My Predicted Winner: Chris Masters
The Actual Winner: Chris Masters
RJ45’s Perspective: Holy shitballs, I got a prediction right this time. Really, does this even matter in the end?
Match 7: John Cena vs. UUUMMMMAAAAGGGAAA
My Predicted Winner: John Cena
The Actual Winner: John Cena
RJ45’s Perspective: Sweet! UUUMMMMAAAAGGGAAA’s streak is finally over. Now this opens up the door for less boring one-sided feuds with UUUMMMMAAAAGGGAAA, and the feuds can potentially be more dynamic! As for Cena, now we move towards Wrestlemania, we will probably still have Cena/UUUMMMMAAAAGGGAAA II at the Rumble.
RJ’s Predicted Wrestlemania 23 Card as of 01/08/07
WWE Title Match John Cena vs. Randy Orton
World Title Match
Batista vs. The Undertaker
ECW Title
Lashley vs. Test vs. Hardcore Holly vs. RVD
Hulk Hogan vs. The Big Show
Shawn Michaels vs. Edge
King Booka vs. Fit Finlay
Money in the Bank III
Kenny Dykstra vs. Umaga vs. CM Punk vs. Sabu vs. Mr. Kennedy vs. Kane
WWE vs. World Tag Titles The World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. The Hardyz vs. MNM vs. Kendrick/London
Woman’s Title
Mickie James vs. Melina vs. Victoria
United States Title
Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio
21 Man Battle Royal
Yeah, I know, my bi-polar predicted card. Well, with Triple H out of the mix, this really shuffled some things around in my predicted card. Not much, though. Of course, this is using the current roster as it stands. Knowing WWE, several superstars will debut and return. So, its hard to tell! I am only going with Batista/Taker because of the strong rumors. I don’t want WWE to go with it and I don’t think WWE will go with it, but its the safe route to go now. Before Wrestlemania, I will show you the “Evolution of my predicted Wrestlemania 23 card” and what it actually was. So far, my predictions seem to suck, but you never know!
RECAP of New Years Revolution Begins Triple H: Oww!
John Cena: Last night, Estrada told everyone that my win was a fluke. How can he say that? Can he say that? Isn’t that illegal?! Somebody hold me! ::starts crying:: Coach: Hey! Meet Vince’s latest boner…The Great Khali!
Vince McMahon: Tonight, there has been one match EVERYONE has been waiting for. Unfortunately, we can’t get Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Hulk Hogan to seemingly ever happen…so here is “Rosie” vs. “The Donald” Everyone With a Brain: YEAH FUCKING RIGHT! Read the rest of this entry »
So today, I opened up my Wrestling websites to see the latest scoop! I remember the days of when I received The Torch & The Observer in the mail, and the information was about 10x more accurate than the shit that comes through today.
Well, today, I read the RUMORED Wrestlemania 23 card. Here is the winner of a line-up:
Hulk Hogan and Vince McMahon vs Big Show and Eric Bischoff
Money In The Bank Ladder Match III
World Title - Undertaker vs Batista(c)
WWE Title - John Cena(c) vs. Randy Orton or Triple H
ECW Title- Bobby Lashley (c) vs. The Great Khali
JBL making an in ring return
Mick Foley vs. Shane O Mac or Johnny Nitro
Shawn Michaels vs Johnny Nitro
What the hell kind of piece of shit card is that?! Undertaker vs. Batista? What the fucking hell? Lashley vs. Khali? Who the fuck gives a rat’s ass about Khali? Michaels vs. Nitro would be interesting, but we need about one more year of building Johnny Nitro up in the ranks for that to actually mean crap. I heard about a Hogan/Andre tribute match with Hogan/Show…that would be a cute idea, but adding McMahon & Bischoff? Why does McMahon have to be in yet another damn Wrestlemania?!
Cena vs. Orton just seems uninteresting at this point. Foley vs. Shane is pointless as all hell, better off going with Nitro because at least they have history. I do think that Cena/HHH could get just as, if not more heat than they did last year, so that’s okay.
So, that lead me to book my dream Wrestlemania 23 card if I had the reigns. I will start with the opener to the closer. It is behind the LJ cut.
RJ45’s Wrestlemania 23
1. 30 Battle Royal (10 from each brand) - This is where Kane, MVP, Khali, Flair, and all of the other wrestlers that weren’t previously booked and didn’t fit anywhere go. This will get the crowd reved up. Winner: Any face. 11 minutes
2. Money in the Bank III: Kenny Dykstra vs. Carlito vs. Mr. Kennedy vs. Gregory Helms vs. Hardcore Holly vs. CM Punk: This one, I had a hard time coming up with the participants. I wanted a good mixture of faces, heels, big names, up and comers, people who can actually work a fucking ladder match, etc. I think I came down to the right list. Yes, I did not put CM Punk in the ECW Title match. I think its way too early. I think they could really build that one up over the summer, and this is the first stop. Winner: CM Punk 15 minutes
3. United States Title: Chris Benoit vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero: Okay, so I figured this dumb feud with Eddie Guerrero as the focal point wouldn’t come to an end, and we left Rey Mysterio kind of literally just hanging there, so here you go. This would be the first potential MOTYC candidate. Winner: Rey Mysterio. New Champion. 18 minutes
4. King Booker vs. Fit Finlay: This is with Finlay as a face. This has been an interesting feud, and Finlay has really made one hell of a comeback that I never saw coming. Winner: Fit Finlay. 6 minutes
5. Women’s Title Match: Victoria vs. Mickie James: Because there is LITERALLY no other potential match! Winner: Mickie James. New Champion. 7 minutes
6. Texas Tornado Elimination Tag Title Match: Hardy Boyz vs. MNM vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Kendrick/London: Since there already is a ladder match and a Hell in a Cell match that I have booked here, I figured “Well, we could do this traditional Fatal-Four Way, but fans wouldn’t get all of the action they’d expect”…so, just an old fashion Texas Tornado Elimination single elimination match. It will come down to one person. Make it a Title vs. Title Match and we have another MOYTC. Winners: World’s Greatest Tag Team. New Champions.. 20 minutes
7. JBL vs. Sylvan (or any heel foreigner): I think pushing JBL as a patriot in his comeback match, especially after getting his humanitarian award, would be the right route to go for Wrestlemania. I picked Sylvan because he’s the evil foreigner, right now. If you have any better substitutions, just let me know! Winner: Sylvan/evil foreigner due to interference/brass knucks, JBL gets last laugh. 7 minutes.
8. ECW Title: Lashley vs. Test vs. RVD vs. Sabu: This is literally throwing all of the crap against the wall and see what sticks. Since I had CM Punk in the MITB match, Test has been part of the current feud, and fans would love to see RVD in a Wrestlemania Title match, and Sabu really has nothing better else to do, here is what you get. Winner: Lashley. Still Champion. 12 minutes.
9. No Holds Barred:Shawn Michaels vs. Edge: I know! I know! A lot of gimmick matches! You know what, this is my card, dammit! This would be a MOTYC! Winner: Edge. 28 minutes.
10. Hell in a Cell: The Undertaker vs. Mick Foley II: Okay, who here thought of this one? Nobody! DAMN RIGHT! One of the biggest and bestest matches of all time and there has never been a rematch. Sure, we know it won’t be as good. Sure, there won’t be half the bumps of the first one. However, what’s the harm of trying? Undertaker continues his streak here. Winner: The Undertaker. 16 minutes.
11. World Title: Batista vs. Randy Orton: FINALLY…we get our damn Evolution Match! You have years of history on this one and its a match that the fans and WWE have been wanting to go down for some time. Well, this is the start! Winner: Randy Orton, New Champion. 14 minutes.
Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony. 10 minutes.
12. Hulk Hogan vs. The Big Show: Here is where you have your Hogan/Andre tribute match. I think if you pretty much replicate the original match (albeit a few twists) and keep it under 9 minutes, we will be okay and the crowd will eat that shit up. Winner: Hogan. 9 minutes.
13. WWE Title: John Cena vs. Triple H II: If they were to build this thing like Hogan vs. Warrior or Rock vs. Hogan…this could be a BIG rematch. The heat on the WM22 match was huge. The fans actually like Cena now, so we could get a great Face vs. Face match. Winner: John Cena. Still Champion. 22 minutes.
13 matches? Well, they had 12 last year. If you keep the obvious crap matches (Hogan/Show, JBL/Foreigner, Finlay/Booker) short and the good stuff at a decent length. The times I listed comes out to be about 3 hours and 14 minutes. That gives enough time for those silly clips, interviews, replays, extended entrances, The Undertaker’s entrance, etc.
RJ45’s 100% Serious WWE New Year’s Revolution 2007 Preview
UUUUMMMAAAAGGGAAA w/ ESSSTTRRRAAADDDAAA vs. John Cena
The Story: Samoa Joe had been undefeated thus far in TNA. However, here comes one of the greatest competitors of all time, Kurt Angle, to potentially stop his willing streak. They engaged in pull apart brawl after pull apart brawl until their match-up at TNA’s November PPV where Kurt Angle finally defeated Samoa Joe. It was a hot feud. So, WWE decides to book pretty much the exact same feud, only with wrestlers with less in-ring skills. Will John Cena put a stop to UUUUMMMAAAAGGGAAA? We will find out!
Predicted Winner: John Cena by DQ
DX vs. Random Team
The Story: Edge & Randy Orton randomly started hating D-Generation X. They defeated them at Cyber Sunday. However, Team DX defeated Team RKO at Survivor Series. This pissed Rated RKO off. DX randomly became friends with Ric Flair again, so Rated RKO exploited this by delivering the conchairto. Then, for no reason whatsoever, Kenny of this the now randomly disbanded Spirit Squad has randomly decided to join RKO. But, he must prove himself! At New Years Revolution, this time, it is for real!
Predicted Winners: D-Generation X
Wolfman vs. Johnny Nitro w/ Boobs
The Story: Over the course of the past couple of months, Johnny Nitro’s good friend, K-Fed has been in the thorn of the side of John Cena. K-Fed has interfered in Pay-Per View matches and challenged John Cena to a match on New Year’s Day. K-Fed then did the unthinkable, as Johnny Nitro had guaranteed. K-Fed defeated John Cena. Meanwhile with Johnny Nitro, he has been feuding with Jeff Hardy. Fights were had. Title belts exchanged hands.
Predicted Winner: Johnny Nitro
Victoria vs. Mickie Laree
The Story: Victoria has a list. Several women are on this list. Victoria went through the list. Now all that remains is the Women’s Championship.
Predicted Winner: Victoria
Flair/Dykstra II
The Story: Kenny has had one hell of a match. First, his fuck buddies were shipped back to OVW. Then, he got a head band. Then, he continued to feud with Ric Flair while trying to join Rated RKO. After all of that, then Kenny got a last name and defeated Ric Flair! Now, their feud culminates this Snday. Ladies and gentlemen, its Flair/Dykstra II!
Predicted Winner: Ric Flair
Razor Ramon vs. The Masterlock
The Story: Chris Masters has the Masterlock. No one has broken the Masterlock (except for a US Solider, but we’ll just forget that ever happened). Even Torrie Wilson herself, surprisingly couldn’t break the viscious Masterlock. This Sunday, Carlito will attempt to extract his revenge on Chris Masters, or GOD HELP US.
Read the rest of this entry »
