Cena: Hey, can I trust you?
HBK: Sure
Cena: Well, you can trust me…
HBK: So?
Cena: Well.. I… uhh…
::local adverts cut in for no reason whatsoever… stupid retards at Insight::

HBK: ::sighs:: I miss Triple H
Randy Orton: Well… tonight, YOU’RE GOING TO MISS ME!
HBK: And what the hell is that supposed to mean?
Randy Orton: I dunno. Ref bump?
HBK: Sure, that spots not overused
Randy Orton: How about the title belt shot! That NEVER gets old
Referee: PWNED!
Randy Orton: OMGWTFBBQ W/ FRIES?!??!?!
::HBK wins::
Edge: That’s it! Lets set you up for something no one will see coming a mile away
Randy Orton: A conchairto?
Edge: … dude…
Cena: Hands off my man, bitch!
::Cena bitch slaps Edge & Orton::
Rated RKO: RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!

Vince: UMAGA Better beat Jeff Hardy’s ass! I want whips! I want chains! I WANT BDSM!
Estrada: Uhh… sure thing, boss
Coach: Vinnie, you look stressed.
Vince: It just hasn’t been the same since Trump left me and decided on this match
Coach: Well, you know I’m always available to be your little tugboat.
Vince: Dude, you’re already my bitch. I bought you from that guy on cell block 8. I WANT TRUMP!
Coach: ::cries for a bit:: Well, conveniently changing the subject, what do you think of this special guest referee?
Vince: Well, despite the fact that promo shots, photo shoots, and an E! Special already revealing Stone Cold Steve Austin… I am going to continue to insult these people’s intelligence and say its the product of my semen… SHANE!

UUUMAGA: Grr…
Jeff Hardy: CRAP! NOT AGAIN!
::UUUMAGA wins::

Todd: So, Carlito. Weeks ago, Ric Flair got in your face about passion. You two fought and Flair won. Then you two teamed up. You developed respect for each other. Now you two fight for the last spot in the Money in the Bank match… tonight we will see who has the most passion. Any word, Carlito?
Carlito: No, that pretty much sums it up, how about you Flair?
Ric Flair: Yeah, that works for me. WOOOO!

Vince: You know Coach… you do kind of resemble Trump…Here… put on this wig and be Trump for me…

Chris Masters: My Masterlock hasn’t been broken yet
Fan: NO?! REALLY?!
Chris Masters: So who will step up this week?
Hacksnort Jim Doogan: HOOO!!!
Chris Masters: Come on, w eall know a nearly retired veteran ain’t going to break my hold! I mean, who would be stupid enough to throw away something great?
Vince Russo: Why does everyone keep on looking at me?!
Hacksnort Jim Doogan: Wrong… TOUGH GUY! HOOOO!
::Chris Masters wins the Masterlock Challenge easily::

Vince: So, who is going to be the special guest referee?
Eric Bischoff: I’M BAAACK! And better than evah!
Vince: You?!
Eric Bischoff: Nah…I’m just here to waste time…
Mick Foley: I’m hardcore!
Vince: YOU?!
Mick Foley: Umm… yeah… can I have my job back?
Vince: Sue, can you help me,?
Mick Foley: No. I’m not the ref. PSYCHE! Have a nice day!
Vince: DAMMIT!
Shane McMahon: HERE COMES THE MONEY!
Vince: Oh, thank god!
Shane McMahon: Its not me…
Vince: Then who?
Stone Cold Steve Austin: OHHH HELLL YYYEEAHHH!!!!
Vince: The end is near
Stone Cold Steve Austin. No! THE END IS BEER!

JR: By gawd! First time ever in the history of the WWE! Falls Count Anywhere Women’s Title Match! BY GAWD
Famous WWE Historian: Actually, in 1999, Ivory defended her Woman’s title against Tori in a Falls Count Anywhere Match. Tori wore a thong and shampoo was used.
Vince McMahon: Quick! Somebody kill him! We are not to look like fools!
Mickie James: A wonderful thing is a Mickie. A Mickie’s a wonderful thing. Their tops are made out of rubber! Their bottoms are made out of spring! They’re bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, bouncy! Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun! The most wonderful thing. About Mickies is: I’m the only one!
Melina: AHHHHH!!!!
Mickie James: So, about many spots should you blow this week?
Melina: Oh, we lost track a long time ago! Quick! Lets go check and see on how the girls are doing!
Mickie James: Sounds good!
Victoria: Hey! What is this? A late night Cinemax special?!
Torrie Wilson: Looks that way…. I’m not getting naked though on Raw. Only someone very slutty would do that.
Candice: Hey gals. What’s up? Wanna get naked?
::Camera “breaks.” Crowd boos like a motha::
Mickie James: Well, I don’t feel like getting killed anytime soon. Soo…
::Melina wins::
Melina: Hey Ashley! You got all of the attention! Why did you pose in Playboy?
Ashley: Actually, they just Photoshop’d my head over Sable’s
Melina: Oh, thanks makes sense

Next Hall of Fame inductee… NICK BOCKWINKLE! Sweet!

Carlito: This is cool
Flair: WOO!
Great Khali: gjkfjdk! skdfj! jsdkj! KANE!
::No contest::

Edge: Hey! This state recognizes Martin Luther King Jr. day!
Cena: …the fuck?
Edge: It just happens that Johnny Nitro’s father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate is black! So he will face you!
Crowd: Yeah, that explanation just made a lot of fucking sense! Who’s writing this shit?
Vince Russo: WHY DO YOU ALL KEEP STARING AT ME LIKE THAT?!
Johnny Nitro: Giggidity giggidity giggidity!
::No contest::
HBK: Hmmm… should I… or shouldn’t I?
Johnny Nitro: Giggidity giggidity giggidity!
HBK: What’s that sound Nitro’s making?
Johnny Nitro: Giggidity giggidity giggidity!
HBK: THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!!!!!
JR: By gawd! Boomer Sooomer! BBQ SAUCE! HBK & CENA? Are they still friends?! WRESTLEMANIA! GOVERNMENT MULES!
::credits roll::

• Once again, WWE is doing fantastic this year on the WWE Hall of Fame. Usually they build the Hall of Fame around one or two inductees and then throw in mid-carders or guys who had maybe one good year in the spotlight that get you to say “Hey, I remember that guy!” 2004 would be Jesse Ventura & Sgt. Slaughter. 2005 would be Hulk Hogan & Roddy Piper. 2006 would be Bret Hart & Eddie Guerrero. This one just seems awesome from Top to Bottom… so far.
   
• Getting really sick of them dragging their feet on building up the matches. I don’t even think they know week to week!
   
• While we all knew it was Stone Cold as the ref, Vince did a great job of at least trying to fool us.
   
• Okay, so where is this Chris Masters thing going? Are they going to have like a Masterlock Open at Mania? It would be a great way to make a big splash for someone who hasn’t debuted yet to break it and get some people *A* spot.
   
• I’m smelling Battle Royal for the 7th spot in that Money in the Bank match if they don’t give it to Flair by DQ.
   
• Looks like MNM is gong to take the titles from Cena/HBK. Hey, they can have an inter-promotional match with Kendrick/London!
   
• Falls Count Anywhere Matches = Always a decent way to cover up a horrible wrestler’s lack of in ring skills. Perhaps they should do something like that with Melina/Ashley?
   
• This Playboy pictorial probably isn’t going to be that great. Same shit. Different plastic blonde. If you want an idea, just Google Image Search Ryan MacKenzie, Ashley’s pseudonym when she first posed for Playboy back in ‘04. As far as I am concerned, Christy Hemme still has the market on best WWE Playboy pictorial.
   
• Overall, decent Raw. Nothing horrible. Nothing spectacular.