Not a bad one this week At least my effort is better than the “lack of material to work with” last week.

Cena: Yo!
Vince McMahon: Fo shizzle!
HBK: Cena, you lucky, Holmes! Rematch?
Cena: Yo!
Vince McMahon: Non-title! Peace out!
Cena: Yo! Read the rest of this entry »

Last night, WWE hosted its annual post-Wrestlemania Pay-Per View… Backlash! Here is a rundown of what happened!

World Tag Team Championship
The Hardy Boyz vs. Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch

Predicted Match Length: 7 minutes
Predicted Winners: The Hardy Boyz

Actual Match Length: 15:13
Actual Winners: The Hardy Boyz

RJ45’s Perspective: Seriously, did anybody actually doubt that there would be any other ending to this match? Don’t get me wrong. Cade & Murdoch actually make a halfway decent tag team. Maybe about 8 months ago, I’d say they were taking the titles here. However, between getting buried by D-Generation X and a lack of any direction since then, there was just no way in hell.

Women’s Championship
Melina vs. Mickie James

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Predicted Match Length: 6 minutes
Predicted Winner: Mickie James

Actual Match Length: 9:10
Actual Winners: MelinaRJ45’s Perspective: Okay, why the hell did Melina win? Exactly what does she have to offer? She can’t wrestle. She’s not gorgeous. Her opponent was. Sure, she has huge fake breasts, but who in the WWE does? She is not that great on the microphone. About all she has is her uncanny ability to do the splits, and that’s about fucking it!

When is Beth Phoenix going to come back? When is Natalie Neidhart going to make her debut? Perhaps it is time to move Jillian and Michelle McCool over to Raw?

United States Championship
Chris Benoit vs. MVP

Predicted Match Length: 18 minutes
Predicted Winner: MVP

Actual Match Length: 12:45
Actual Winners: Chris Benoit

RJ45’s Perspective: Hmmm… well. Not much to say here.

3 on 1 Handicap Match for the ECW Championship
Bobby Lindsey vs. Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon, and Umaga

Predicted Match Length: 16 minutes
Predicted Winner: Lashley

Actual Match Length: 15:30
Actual Winners: Vince McMahon

RJ45’s Perspective: Isn’t that just fucking swell? Vince McMahon is one of the few people to now have held both the WWE Championship and the ECW Championship. That list now also includes Rob Van Dam and Big Show

So what is next for ECW? Well, I expect one of the  equations to happen. Vince drops the belt either on Raw or on Tuesday, he keeps it till One Night Stand where he will ceremoniously get destroyed by either Lashley or another competitor who will step up to the plate, or he keeps it for a very very long time.

World Championship
Last Man Standing
Batista vs. The Undertaker

Predicted Match Length: 23 minutes
Predicted Winner: The Undertaker

Actual Match Length: 20:30
Actual Winners: Draw!

RJ45’s Perspective: Another big “no surprise” here. It is going to be awhile before Batista ever becomes the World Champion again. With WWE now having all cross brand Pay Per Views, we can probably expect Batista/Undertaker III at Judgment Day. Just remember, Kennedy’s title reign is JUST around the corner!

WWE Championship
Fatal Four-Way
John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Edge vs. Randy Orton

Predicted Match Length: 45 minutes
Predicted Winner: John Cena

Actual Match Length: 18:30
Actual Winners: John Cena

RJ45’s Perspective: Well, I was way off on the time here, but yeah, Cena keeps the belt… again. Orton got pinned in what can only be described as a degrading ending when HBK superkicked Cena and he “fell on Orton” who got pinned. Yeah, we are not stupid. So begins the burial of Orton. ::starts weeping:: Hey, if Orton being a jerk backstage again leads to less “TONS OF BLOOD!” promos, then I’m good.

Seriously, the world title scene on Raw is getting borderline stale. I think its about that time of year where we have the WWE draft. We didn’t have any last year, but I think this year can only benefit the WWE. It is definitely time to mix it up!

RJ45’s Stats…

Predicted Times (within 2 minutes of predicted time): 2 for 6 (33%)

Predicted Winners: 2 for 6 (33%)

This Sunday, WWE hosts their annual Backlash. Generally, this Pay-Per View is decent.

WWE also realized that the brand extension was stupid to begin with and is slowly phasing it out. To begin, now all Pay-Per Views host all three “brands”…which can only benefit ECW, if nothing else.

Women’s Championship
In Ring Liability vs. The Smoking Hot Mickie James 

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The Story Thus Far: For no real good reason whatsoever, WWE gave Melina the title. Of course, they never really saw her wrestle before, obviously. After nearly killing off the rest of the Women’s Division, WWE will give the title back to their best female wrestler on the roster… and hey, she’s hot too! We’re talking about Mickie James!

Predicted Match Length: 6 minutes

Predicted Winner: Mickie James

United States Championship

Chris Benoit vs. MVP

The Story Thus Far: No one could believe that Benoit & MVP actually put on some damn good matches! Seeing the potential in a Match of the Year Candidate, they will have Benoit/MVP III this Sunday! Maybe they will get more than 10 minutes to do some magic?

Predicted Match Length: 18 minutes

Predicted Winner: MVP

World Tag Team Championship

The Hardy Boyz vs. Greg “the Hammer” Valentine & Constipated Man

The Story Thus Far: Ummm… there is no story.

Predicted Match Length: 7 minutes

Predicted Winners: The Hardy Boyz

World Championship & World Tanning Championship
Last Man Standing

Batista vs. The Undertaker

The Story Thus Far: Batista has an impressive tan. Undertaker, never to be outdone, hit the tanning bed for the first time in 90 years and now he has a good tan. They had a match at Wrestlemania that actually turned out to be really damn good. Now, they fight in a rematch in a Last Man Standing Match

Predicted Match Length: 23 minutes

Predicted Winner: The Undertaker

3 on 1 Handicap Match for ECW Championship

Bobby Lindsey vs. 1920s Gangster, Dancin’ Fool, and Shriveled Monkey Penis

The Story Thus Far: Vince McMahon was embarrassed when his head was shaved bald. Him and no hair? What the hell, I mean seriously… his head was SHAVED BALD. Did you hear me? SHAVED BALD!

However, in the end, he did get a bad ass hat, and now takes on his new persona… The 1920s Gangtser! He is joined by his son… The Dancin’ Fool, and Shriveled Monkey Penis. Who will all attempt to take the ECW World Championship away from Lashley! Hey, if Tito Santana can be the ECW World Champion, so can Vince McMahon!

Predicted Match Length: 16 minutes

Predicted Winner: Lashley

WWE Championship
Fatal Four-Way
BOO! Vs. Reverend HBK vs. Rated T for Teen vs. Banned in Europe

The Story Thus Far: John Cena won at Wrestlemania, but he wasn’t the better man as per Shawn Michaels’s memo. Edge thinks he deserves a 40^th chance and winning the world title, and we couldn’t clearly understand Randy Orton’s intentions because he can’t express himself worth a damn.

Predicted Match Length: 45 minutes

Predicted Winner: John Cena

Okay, now we are actually serious. Here is what to look out for

• Look for Batista/Undertaker to totally blow and not even get close to living up to their first match. However, Kennedy just might cash in his Money in the Bank… Bank contract and win the title.
• Chris Benoit vs. MVP just might be match of the night if they get more than 10 minutes to build into something good.
• Look for Hardyz vs. Rednecks to be no more than 7 minutes, tops.
• Expect Lashley vs. The Three Musketeers to be a huge clusterfuck. Look out for lots of outside interference including from Santino Marella, Estrada, and perhaps some other McMahons?
• Look for Mickie James to win the title and for the ending to be sudden and “WTF? Is that it?” like most Women’s Matches.
• The Fatal Four Way will be a lot of fun. Everyone will cheer on HBK, but John Cena will win again anyway.
• Only six matches? Look for another one getting added at the last second. 

Shane-o-Mac: I’m a dancing fool! Lashley is bad. Shriveled Monkey Penis lost. I hate that. Watch this clip…
::Santino Marella is awesome::
Shane-o-Mac: One you audience members will face the biggest man of them all. ME! Who will it be?
Audience: ME!!!!:
Shane-o-Mac: How about that famous guy
Audience: WE HATE THAT FAMOUS GUY!
Shane-o-Mac: Well, I picked this guy… Presenting… Edge Before Roids!
Edge Before Roids: I’m on Raw! Read the rest of this entry »

JR: By gawd! Boomer più presto! Salsa di barbecue! Siamo in tensione in Italia! Due bistecche di provenienza dalla zona del dollaro! Read the rest of this entry »