JR: By gawd! Boomer più presto! Salsa di barbecue! Siamo in tensione in Italia! Due bistecche di provenienza dalla zona del dollaro!

Coach: Tonight! Cena takes on Rated RKO in a Handicap match… yeah, that’s never been done before. That is all… oh yeah, and Vince McMahon!
Vince: I can’t understand you guys! Here’s Shriveled Monkey Penis!
Shriveled Monkey Penis: Grrr….
Vince: I can’t understand you guys! So, he challenges anyone for the Intercontinental Title.
::Meanwhile Backstage::
Jeff Hardy: Uhh… anyone want to go out there?
Johnny Nitro: What, are you joking? I’m trying to get more heat, not lose it.
Jeff Hardy: Yeah, good point.
::Back to the ring::
Vince: I can’t understand you guys! Okay… how about a fan?
Random Guy: ME!
Vince: I can’t understand you guys! Okay, you!
Internet Wrestling Community:  This is going to be brutal

Shriveled Monkey Penis: Grr… wait, am I getting my ass kicked by random guy?
Random Guy: I’m kicking ass!
Vince : I can’t understand you guys! It is now no-holds barred
Internet Wrestling Community: And so forth, commence Random Guy’s brutal beat down!
Lashley: Hey guys! Remember me!
Internet Wrestling Community: There’s no way…
::The Winner and NNNEEEEWWW Intercontinental Champion… RANDOM GUY!::
Honky Tonk Man: All of those months… touring,
Pat Patterson: Getting bumped, bruised, and injured…
Greg Valentine: Seems kind of pointless now…
Mr. Perfect: ::rolls over::

Jerry Lawler: Lashley, why are you here?!
Lashley: I work here…
Jerry Lawler: Santino “Random Guy” Marella.. you just won the Intercontinental Title. What are you going to do next?
Random Guy: I’m going to Disney World!

Shelton Benajmin: Oh great… here we go again…
Charlie Haas: Dude… I don’t feel like wrestling, can Barry Horowitz substitute for me?
Shelton Benjamin: NO WAY!
Charlie Haas: Duane Gill?
Shelton Benjamin: NO!
Charlie Haas: The Executioner?
Shelton Benjamin: NO!
Charlie Haas: Brooklyn Brawler?
Shelton Benjamin: Stop that!
Carlito: Oh these guys! They’ve sucked since their reunion!
Ric Flair: We’re shoe-ins! WOOO!
::World’s Greatest Tag Team WINS::
Carlito: Che cosa la scopata?!

Johnny Nitro: ALLLRIGGHT! Giggity! Giggity!
Eugene: Why is my jacket still fucking green?!?!?!
::Johnny Nitro wins::

Italian Dude: Benvenuto all’esposizione di talento del diva! Anche se i nostri pubblici soprattutto americani non possono capire una parola che maledetta sto dicendo, stiamo andando andare comunque avanti con questo!
Candice Michelle: Man, why did I decide on these wings?
Victoria: I hate heels… SOMEONE GIVE ME A BEER AND SOME FOOTBALL!
Mickie James: My ass looks great in these jeans.
Maria: Leik… check out my totally uber hot leik… outfit! OH MY GOSH!
Torrie Wilson: I win… even though I might lose, I always win these things.
Melina: I am going to kill the person who made this ugly dress…
::Torriw Wilson wins::
Melina: DAMMIT! WHY DOES SHE ALWAYS WIN?! ::catfight breaks out::

Jeff Hardy: So, who am I facing this week?
Lance Cade: ME!
Jeff Hardy: SWEET! Barry Windham!
Lance Cade: I’m not Barry Windham, you idiot!
Jeff Hardy: Sorry, my mistake Dick Slater…
Lance Cade: For this, you shall pay!
::Lance Cade fucking wins::
Trevor Murdoch: I’M CONSTIPATED!
Matt Hardy: Well, look at it this way… there is no shame in losing to Greg “the Hammer” Valentine. He is a former Intercontinental Champion…
Jeff Hardy: Dude… TEST is a former Intercontinental Champion. ALBERT is a former Intercontinental Champion. Right now… some random guy is the Intercontinental Champion…
Matt Hardy: Touché’
Jeff Hardy: Chyna, Val Venis, Marty Jannetty…
Matt Hardy: Got it!
Jeff Hardy: D-Lo Brown, The Mountie, The Godfather…
Matt Hardy: WE GET IT!

Chris Masters: I’m a masterpiece!
Super Crazy: I am super! I am crazy! I am Super Crazy!
::Chris Masters wins::

Orton: Dude… I got to thinking… we need to be a team tonight.
Edge: Yeah, you’re the greatest tag partner I have ever had
Christian: HEY!

John Cena: Hey Italy
Crowd: BOOO!
Edge: Rated RKO is back!
Randy Orton: Yeah… we are black in back!
Edge: … .. .. Don’t you find it ironic that I am the Canadian and you are the American and you are the slower one?
Randy Orton: Irony? I hear Jim Ross use that word but what does it mean?
Edge: Nevermind…
HBK: Hey guys!
John Cena: Nice jeans…. my mom has the same pair. ::Cena FUs HBK::
::John Cena wins::

• Seriously, as much as I seem to rip on the Intercontinental Title deal in the recap, I actually enjoyed the whole segment and thought it was cool that Santino Marella won. He apparently is the guy who got Jim Cornette fired when he slapped him backstage because he broke kayfabe. What kayfabe did he break? He apparently laughed at The Boogeyman when he was supposed to show fear. Ummm… that’s got to be hard for even seasoned veterans not to bust out laughing.
   
• Did they have to make Italian jokes non-stop? And not even good ones!
   
• As a policy, I usually hate episodes of Raw hosted overseas, but this one was actually one of the better ones. Between a hot and fun crowd, a fun opening segment, and some decent matches… I enjoyed it!
   
• Why did Torrie win? Those must of been piped in because both Maria and Mickey were SMOKIN’ tonight.
   
• Vince McMahon’s hat = Ratings
   
• Man.. Cena must hate Wrestlemania. It took him months to recover the heat he loses. Perhaps next year, they might try having him lose?

Till next week!

RJ45