Not a bad one this week At least my effort is better than the “lack of material to work with” last week.

Cena: Yo!
Vince McMahon: Fo shizzle!
HBK: Cena, you lucky, Holmes! Rematch?
Cena: Yo!
Vince McMahon: Non-title! Peace out!
Cena: Yo!

Papa Roach: ::Performs the best ever theme song for Monday Night Raw::

Edge: I’m Rated R
Randy Orton: I’m banned in Europe!
Edge: Speaking of which…. did you get the memo?
Randy Orton: Which memo?
::Edge wins::

Sean Mooney/Todd Pettingill/Michael Cole/Todd Grisham: Can’t you believe it that you are the champion?
Santino Marella: No! I can’t!
Sean Mooney/Todd Pettingill/Michael Cole/Todd Grisham: Can’t you believe it that you are the champion?
Santino Marella: No! I can’t!
Sean Mooney/Todd Pettingill/Michael Cole/Todd Grisham: Can’t you believe it that you are the champion?
Santino Marella: No! I can’t!

RVD: Vince McMahon as champion is like… disgraceful dude! Somebody must of laced my stash with something potent, man…

Shane McMahon: I love you pops!
Vince McMahon: Aww… lets share this nice moment with a delicious Werther’s Original.
Shane McMahon: So tasty!
Vince McMahon: Yes… yes it is, son!

Maria: I have boobs!
Edge: YOUR BOOBS ARE TAKING AWAY FROM  MY INTERVIEW
Audience: They certainly are…

The Blackjacks: We are good sports!
Johnny Nitro: Things haven’t been the same since they fired Joey…
Jeff Hardy: I hump cats!
::Jeff Hardy wins::
The Blackjacks: We are good sports!
Jeff Hardy: I’m not!

RVD: I’m heading to TNA!
Vince McMahon: Oh, it’s burial time!
Shriveled Monkey Penis: Grrr…
RVD: Shit!
::Shriveled Monkey Penis wins::

Shawn Michaels: God dammit. I have to do this shit again…Guys! I’m fucking tired!
::takes a nap::

Coach: Who did this?! You Cena! You did it!
John Cena: GRRRR!
Vince McMahon: Okay Coach… I now put you on the job on finding out whodunit!
Coach: Can Val Venis be my Watson?
Vince McMahon: NO! GET OUT OF HERE!

Carlito: This is our last chance at being a team.
Ric Flair: Okey dokey. WOO!
Charlie Haas: Hey! We are the
Shelton Benjamin: World’s Greatest Tag Team!
Ric Flair: We are doing great!
Carlito: My predictable and inevitable heel turn!
::Carlito beats the crap out of Flair::
Ric Flair: I don’t think so, Scooter!
::Flair beats the crap out of Carlito!::

::Edge is taking a nap::
Coach: WHO DID THIS?!

Kennedy: MMMIIIIISSSSTTTTTEEEERRRR KKKKEENNNNEEEDDDYYYY!!! Do you want me to cash in my bank contract?
Crowd: Yeah!
Kennedy: PSYCHE! I’m cashing it at Wrestlemania 24!
::Meanwhile backstage::
::Vince McMahon storms into the creative team prison
Vince McMahon: Alright! Who’s bright idea was it to set the main event for next year’s Wrestlemania?
Creative Team Guy #1:  Well… after booking Wrestlemania 23 by the seat of our pants… I figured…
Vince McMahon: You figured what?!
Creative Team Guy #2: That we actually have a game plan going in next year! Like a long term plan?
Creative Team Guy #1: The marks and the internet smarks BOTH respond really well to Kennedy
Vince McMahon: You both bring up great points… but we spent a lot of money on these Booking 8-Balls! AGH! That’s another million I have to eat!

::Randy Orton is taking a nap::
Coach: OH NO! I DIDN’T FORESEE THIS HAPPENING! WHO KEEPS ON DOING THIS?!

Vince McMahon: Hi! You look familiar…
Guy: I’m the illegitimate son of Sto…
Coach: VINCE! Someone keeps doing horrible things!
Vince McMahon: Well… go to the ring, and we will settle this and find out that I…errr… “somebody” did this.

Melina: You know, I just realized that my theme music sucks as much as I do under Vince’s desk…
Victoria: Yeah… that guy who made it is a regular Eddie Van Halen
Mickie James: Bouncy! Bouncy! Bouncy!
Candice Michelle: Dance! Dance! Dance!
::Candice & Mickie win::

The Sandman: Somebody gave me microphone time! What do you know! I can talk!
Tommy Dreamer: I am now questioning my religion!
RVD: I’m out of here in six…
Sabu: …

John Cena: I didn’t do it. Now lets find out who did it!
The Great Khali: Ijdfksj dkjdkikjdkjd ifdjskjt!
JR: By gawd! Boomer sooner! BBQ SAUCE! Great Khali hsfsafdsfss deskfdjstrokdsjksyed John Cena!

::credits roll::

• Papa Roach has created the best theme song ever for Monday Night Raw! Better than “Thorn in Your Eye” and a billion times better than that shitty-ass Union Underground “LOOK AT THE DRUGS! THE GUNS!” crap we had for 3 years.
   
• God damn, was Maria looking hot tonight?
   
• I guess since RVD didn’t renew his contract, he can join Orton on the “Punishment by Constantly Jobbing” list.
   
• Anyone foresee Vince’s monster turning on him because he does all the work and Vince gets to hold the belt?
   
• Isn’t a heel turn supposed to make a wrestler look stronger and not weaker? Someone should explain that to Carlito!
   
• Kennedy going to Wrestlemania 24? I LOVE THE IDEA! For one, it keeps the specialness of the Money in the Bank… Bank thing going (First time… Edge surprised everyone. Second time… the ECW Title was created as a result. Third time… Wrestlemania?!) Not only that, but that’s about as long term of a booking plan as it gets!
   
• Why couldn’t Mickie James be the Playboy cover girl this year?
   
• Candice Michelle is probably going to get the most improved wrestler of the year award.
   
• For a minute there, I thought the guy who did it was Vince McMahon. I was groaning. But then… it actually got worse! When I complained about the World Title scene going stale, that didn’t mean to bring in The Great Khali! God dammit! About the ONLY comfort is that Cena does great David vs. Goliath Matches. See John Cena vs. Umaga. See John Cena vs. The Undertaker. Can he do the same with Khali? Its possible. We ABOUT saw the F-U.

Till next week!