Lashley: Vince…you… me… One on one!
Vince: I HAVE HAIR! At One Night Stand… I face… THE BLUE MEANIE!
Blue Meanie: SWEET!
Everyone: The fuck?
Shane: Vince has beat… Stone Cold Steve Austin, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Ken Shamrock…
Ken Shamrock: WHAT?!
Shane: Me… My sister… His own momma… WCW… But he has also LOST to Stone Cold Steve Austin, Triple H, Shawn Michaels
Vince: You can stop now…
Shane: Donald Trump, The first half of the Monday Night Wars, Torrie Wilson…
Vince: STOP IT! Okay… Lashley, you run… THE 100 METER DASH TONIGHT!
Shane: Umm… there is no 100 Meter Dash in Wrestling
Vince: There isn’t?
Shane: True story
Vince: Okay… you run… good god, what do they run in wrestling?
Shane: The Gauntlet?
Vince:  MY IDEA is that you RUN THE GAUNTLET! Then, you can be number one contender!
Blue Meanie: Does this mean I still get paid?

Ric Flair: Wooo!
Carlito: Look at my incredibly evil tights to go along with not so incredibly evil music!
Ric Flair: I choppy choppy your pee pee!
Ref: I am going to be a dickhead and count you both out!
:: Double Count Out ::
Carlito: I will cripple you and chew my apple in a menacing and quite incredibly EVIL way!
Audience Member #1: I hope you choke on your anvil!
Jim Neidhart: Uhh… I don’t know what you are thinking, but it ain’t like that… we’re just on the down-low….
Audience Member #2: Hey… Don’t you mean apple?
Audience Member #1: APPLE!

Melina: I am a ninja!
Candice: They like me! They really like me!
Melina: My in ring skills are unique!
Candice: I prefer to go traditional…
:: Candice Michelle wins ::

Lashley: Gauntlet time! Who is first? Trevor Murdoch?
Chris Masters: MEEEEEE!!!! Allow me to apply the Master Lock, even thought logically I shouldn’t because I already know that you broke it before. It makes total sense!
::Lashley wins::
Lashley: Okay, who is next? Trevor Murdoch?
Ref: Umm… you go backstage!
Lashley: Huh? Don’t Gauntlet matches go in succession?
Ref: Not this one…
Lashley: Sweet! Martini Time!

World’s Greatest Tag Teams: Hi! We decided that we are now the number one contenders!
Hardy Boyz: Hey.
Johnny Nitro & Kenny Dykstra: Ummm… okay? Why are we teaming?
:: Hardy wins ::
World’s Greatest Tag Teams: Its decimation time!
Dick Murdoch & Dick Slater: We are faces… BUT FOR HOW LONG?

Great Khali: Ikjk didjkjknt loksjkjse!
Random Indian: Great Khali didn’t lose and man do I suck on the mic!
Great Khali: Iljk wankjkjt tjkjkjo fackjkje Cenkjkja agaijkjkn.
Random Indian:  Khali can beat Cena in a box. He can beat him with a fox! He can beat him a house. He can him with a mouse! He can beat him here or there. He can beat him anywhere! But he will not have Green Eggs and Ham. He does not like them!
Cena: Very poetic…but yeah… rematch time!
Great Khali: beaksjfkjt dowjkhjn timksdferjkje!

Lashley: Who is next? Trevor Murdoch?
Viscera: LONG LIVE KING MABEL!
:: Lashley wins ::

Torrie Wilson: Hi!
Jenna Jameson II:  Hi!
Nitro Girls II: Hi!
Ashley Massaro: Hi!
Timbaland Video: Look at all of this booty!

Randy Orton: HEY! Nothing you can say! HBK is injured… watch the montage with the sad music…
Montage: HBK always gets the best music in his montages…
Randy Orton: I am the Turkey Slayer… BRANDY ORTON… shit! I did it again… RANDY ORTON!

Lashley: Who is next? Trevor Murdoch?
Shriveled Monkey Penis: Grr….
Lashley: Aww… SHIT!
::Lashley wins by DQ::

Lashley: Oh gawd my head… please tell me who is next? Trevor Murdoch?
Shane: MEEEE!!!!
Lashley: Time to get our wrestling freak on!
:: Lashley wins ::
JR: BY GAWD! BOOMER SOOMER! BBQ SAUCE! Doctor of Hardcore, Vince Mahon! STOMPING A MUDHOLE! Faces Lashley at One Night Stand! TAKING HIM TO THE WOODSHED! TWO DOLLAR STEAKS!

• Shawn Michaels is now injured! So… that makes the “death toll” to Triple H, Shawn Michaels, The Undertaker, Kennedy, King Booker, Gregory Helms, Rey Mysterio, Super Crazy, Ashley Massaro, and possibly even Melina! BTW… Why does Shawn Michaels always get really well done music in his montage? For those who don’t know… Michaels has been meaning to get knee surgery for like a year and a half. However… things like D-Generation X Reunion and the Triple H Quad Tear came in the way. Michaels has been a trooper. I will say though that getting Nitro Girl Whisper out there to cry over HBK was a really nice touch.  He does not have a concussion! So don’t be worried about Post Concussion Syndrome or anything too career killing
   
• If Carlito is going to be a heel… he’s gotta get new music. Someone give the WWE the memo!
   
• Two years of Candice doing the “Opening the jacket in a sexy fashion” thing, and FINALLY… they pop for it. This proves that in ring skills for women Wrestlers DO count and it is NOT ALL T&A. On a further note (again)… Jerry Lawler called Melina’s wrestling skills, and I quote, “Unique.” Yeah, that’s one way of saying that she sucks. Also, it looks like Melina got hurt, and it obviously wasn’t part of the “story” of the match. OH DARN!
   
• So who here thinks that, as of tonight, WWE is regretting the random release of Joey Mercury? I will give Dykstra & Nitro some credit for actually blending decently as a tag team. Give them a couple more chances and they might work well.
   
• When will Cade & Murdoch turn? OR… maybe they just need another face team since Hardyz are about the only ones since they buried The Highlanders and took Cryme Tyme off of TV for no reason.
   
• I will give Khali ONE THING. He is looking more confident out there. BTW… has anyone cracked my “Khali language” yet? Yeah… I can now write in Khali-ese… can you? On a further note… is it just me or does his manager/translator SUCK? Why don’t they just give him Armando Alejandro Estrada already?!
   
• It was a great decision that Lashley’s gauntlet match was broken up. Typically, those can get really boring really fast.
   
• Timbaland video review:… The music is generic (ie. Not impressed) but I always appreciate a comic book direction for ANY video. However, too much of “The Hives” and not enough ass shaking. 
   
• Is anyone else bothered a little by the fact that the core angle of RAW is an ECW angle? Oh yeah, and I don’t recall Vince ever beating Ken Shamrock. If anyone can enlighten me, I’d be more than happy to listen.

Till next week!

RJ45