Monday NIght Raw ABRIDGED 06.11.2007
Aww… crap. Three hours! Well, let us see if we can get through this rather BIZARRE episode of Monday Night Raw!
Vince McMahon: Tonight is all about me… oh yeah, and some draft thing. I AM NOT CRAZY!
Papa Roach: Seriously, this song kicks ass as the RAW theme. In your face Thorn In Your Eye and Union Underground!
JR: BY GAWD! BOOMER SOONER! BBQ SAUCE! Draft!
Jerry Lawler: PUPPPIES!
JBL: I, too, have a cowboy hat!
Michael Cole: I’m a wiener
Joey Styles: Oh… My…. God!
Tazz: I used to have my dignity, then I joined the WWE!
John Cena: Cool, so who am I going to face this week? Khali or Umaga?
Edge: MEEEEEEEE!!!!
John Cena: Wait, you’re on SmackDown!
Edge: Yeah, its the tri-branded Raw and the whole draft.
John Cena: DRAFT?! Who said anything about a draft?!
Edge: Dude, is this your first day?
::Edge wins by countout::
Uber Computer: SmackDown gets… GREAT KHALI!
Raw fans: YAYYYYY!!! Celebrate good times, C’MON! Oh yeah. CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES, C’MON! Na na na na! Na na na na! Hey hey hey! GOODBYE! Na na na na! Na na na na! Hey hey hey! GOODBYE! Na na na na! Na na na na! Hey hey hey! GOODBYE!
RJ45: Damn, there goes my Khali speak…. wait, how abuot one last time?
Great Khali: Ijfkdsj afhjghjbvm goinehuhg tijuijinmo Smackdowhgjnjnjbnjn!
Some Random Indian: Sweet, I can bring my uber mic skills to SmackDown.
Jesse Ventura: Vince McMahon… you suck!
Coach: Vengeance will have Cena versus former champions. But I am going to be vague on its details…
CM Punk: I don’t have sex. I don’t do drugs. I do have tattoos, though.
Carlito: Please, for the love of god, someone change my music! I BEG OF YOU!
CM Punk: Well, I have Killswitch Engage for my music. So, I win. Literally.
Carlito: Win? What do you mean by that?
::CM Punk wins::
Carlito: Ohhh…
Uber Computer: ECW gets… Boogeyman?
Boogeyman: I am like Papa Shango with a clock!
Snoop Dawg: Yo, McMahon. You an asshole! Fo shizzle!
Mick Foley: You know that vague match Coach mentioned? I’m in! Vince McMahon is a misogynist. Nobody likes him. Have a nice day!
Balls Mahoney: Sweet. I’m on the big show! Who do I get to face.
Umaga: Grr…
Balls Mahoney: Shit! Hold on, I’ll just lay down right now and get it over with.
::Umaga wins::
Uber Computer: RAW gets… KING BOOKER!
King Booker: Finally, Kin’ Booker ‘as returned from ‘is injury in big fashion! Blimey!
Steve-O: I am the next unnecessary celebrity to be involved in a major WWE Pay-Per View!
Lashley: Wow, does this mean that I am wrestling for RAW or ECW?
Chris Benoit: Hey… wake up, jerk! I don’t care who you are working for. I say lets have a kick ass match!
Lashley: Sounds good!
::Lashley wins::
Uber-Computer: ECW gets… Chris F’N Benoit!
Chris Benoit: Hey… uhh… okay.
SmackDown: DUDE! You’re depleting our roster… AGAIN!
Donald Trump: You suck Vince!
Ashley: Vince. You are a misogynist. You made Trish bark. So, since the writers can’t come up with a punch line, here is the generic one…
Fabulous Moolah & Mae Young: Woof! Woof! Woof! Oh gawd, my arthritis…
Jimmy Snuka: Brotha!
Iron Shiek: I can beat the crap out of Warrior Warrior. BRING HIM TO ME!
MVP: Its morphin time!
Santino Marella: New Jersey!
::MVP wins::
Uber Computer: SmackDown gets… Torrie Wilson… meh….
Torrie Wilson: Yay. I switch brands…. again!
Bret Hart: Vince McMahon is a big fucking jerk who ought to eat shit and die!
The Miz: I’m The Miz and nobody beats me!
Snitsky: I really need to tan my legs…
::Snitsky wins::
The Miz: Ha ha! You need to tan your legs!
Snitsky: I KNOW THAT ALREADY! I WILL NOW BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF YOU!
::The Miz is now the winner::
Uber Computer: SmackDown gets… CHRIS MASTERS!
Chris Masters: Hey! SmackDown doesn’t have any wrestlers, so I just might be on TV for once!
Bobby Heenan: Vince… you suck…
Roddy Piper: Vince… YOU SUCK!
Some Random Football Coach: Remember the XFL?
Candice Michelle: Lets see… who do you guys have for me?
Kristal: I walk like those girls in the video games!
Candice Michelle: TIME TO KICK SOME ASS!
::Candice Michelle wins::
Uber Computer: RAW gets… Bobby Lashley? I thought he already was on Raw?
Bobby Lashley: Hi, this is just a formality. Welcome guys
Coach: Umm… Lashley… you can’t be ECW champion anymore.
Bobby Lashley: Well, that fucking sucks!
Bob Costas: I made McMahon snap! I made McMahon snap! I made McMahon snap! Nener nener nener!
Jeff Hardy: I hump raw bacon!
Elijah Burke: I have incredibly white teeth!
Batista: I have a incredible tan!
Jeff Hardy: Well, what happens when you put us together?
Batista: ….
Elijah Burke: We have white teeth, a nice tan, and we hump raw bacon! BOOM!
::Batista wins::
Uber Computer: SmackDown gets… Ric Flair?
Ric Flair: WOOO!
Captain Lou Albano: Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah!
Dusty Rhodes: ah’s so purdy! Fry mah hide! Vince McMahon sucks but we does have t’respeck him, like it o’ not.
Mene Gene: Vince… I… hate… you…
Team SmackDown: Hey, lets put some of those new guys to work already!
Team ECW: We have no chance in hell…
Team RAW: We have Randy Orton. He is obviously winning.
Team ECW: Nu uh!
Team SmackDown: See ya ECW! And hey, we have Mark Henry! we can still win.
Team WWE: Not really…
::Randy Orton wins::
Uber-Computer: RAW gets… SNITSKY!
Snitsky: I have ugly teeth.
Uber-Computer: RAW gets.. MMMIIIIIISSSSSSTTTTTTEEEERRRRR KKKEEENNNNEEEEDDDDDYYYY!!!!!!
MMIIIISSTTEERRR KKEEENNEEDDYY: KENNEDY!
Stone Cold Steve Austin: Vince, I don’t f****** appreciate s*** from you. You f****** can go f*** yourself. Oh yeah, and your momma looks funny too!
Vince McMahon: …………………. ……………. ……………………………… … …………………… ………………………… …………. …………….. ……………………… …………………… ………………………………………………………………. ………………………………………………………. ……. …………………………………………………. ……….. ………………………………………………. ……………………….. ……………… ………. ……………………. ……………. ………… …………………………………. ……………….. : ………………. ……… …………… …………………… ……. ……… ……………….. ………………………………….. ………….. ………………… …………………………. .. ……………………………………….. ………. ……………. ……….. …………………………………………….. ……………………. ……………… ………………… . ………… ……………………………. ……………….. …. ………….. ……….. ………………………………… ………………………… ……………. ……………………. ……….. ……………….. : ………………. ……… …………. …………………………… ………………… ………………………… ………………. …………………….. …………….. ……………………. ……….. …………. ……………………. …………………… …………………………………………. …………… ……………… ……. ….. … ………… ……………….. ……… ………………………………………………… ……………………….. ………….. ………………… …….. …………………….. … ………….. ………………. …………… ………………. …………………… …………………….. ……………………. … …………………… ………………………… …………. …………….. ……………………… …………………… ………………………………………………………………. …………………. ………….. ………………… ……. ……… ……………………………………………….. ……………. …………….. ……………. …………….. ……………………….. ……………… ………. ……………………. ……………. ……………………………………………. ……………….. : ………………. ……… …………………. …………………… ……… ……………. ……………………………………… ………………….. ……………………………………. .. ……………………………………….. ………. ……………. … ……….. ………………………………………….. ……………………. ………………………………… . ………… ……………………………. ….. ……….. …. …. ………. ………….. ………………………. ………………………………….. ……………. ……………………. ……….. ……………….. : ……………. ………………. ………………………………… ………………… ………………………… ………………. …………………….. …………….. ……………………. …………… ……………………………………. …………… …………………………………………. …………… ……………… ……. ….. …………… ……………….. ……….. ……. ………………………………………… ……………………….. ………….. ………………… …….. ……….. …………… … ………….. ………………. …………… …………………………………………………………………………………. … …………………… …. …………… ……….. …………. …………….. …………………….. . ………. ………….. …………………………………. …….. ……………………. ……………….. ……………. …… …………………. …………………………….. ………………………… ………………………….. ……………………………. …………. ……………. ……………… ………. ……… ……………. ……………. ……………………………………………. ……………….. : ………………. ……… ………………………………………. ………. …………….. ……………… ……………………. ………… ……………………………………………… .. ………………………. ………………. ………. ……………. ………………………………………………………. ……………………. ………………………………… . ………… ……………………………. ……………….. …. ……………………. …………….. ……………………………………………. ……………. ……………………. ……….. ……………….. : ……….. ………………. …………………………………….. ………………… ………………………… ………………. …………………….. …………….. ……………………. …….. …………………….. ………………………………… …………………………………………. …………… ……………… ……. ….. …………… ……………….. …………………. …………. …………………………. ……………………….. ………….. ………………… …….. ………….. ………… … ………….. ………………. …………… ……………. …………………….. ……………………… …………. ………… … …………………… ………………………… …………. …………….. ……………………… …………………… ………………. ……….. ……………………………………. …………. …………… ……….. ……………………. ……………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………… ……………………….. ……………… ………. …………….. …….. ……………. …………… ………………………………. ……………….. : ………………. ……… ………… ……………… ……………. ………….. ……………………………………………….. …………………….. …………………………………. .. …………………. ……………………. ………. ……………. ………………………………………………………. ……………………. ………………………………… . ………… ……………………………. ….. …………… …. ……………………. ………….. ………………………………………………. ……………. ……………………. ……….. ……………….. : …….. …………………… …………………………………… ………………… …………………… …… ………………. …………………….. …………….. ………………. …… ……… ……………….. …………………………………….. …………………………………………. …………… ……………… ……. ….. …………… …………. ……. ………………………………………………………… ……….. ……………… ………….. ………………… …….. …………………….. … ………….. …………. …… …………… ……………….. BOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!
RJ45’s Perspective:
- Okay, what the fuck was the deal with that last segment?! Aside from that being one hell of a stunt/special effect (if you watched, it looked like the camera jilted a bit there… like they were cutting to another tape).
But seriously, are we supposed to believe that Vince McMahon is dead? Of course not, but that is one hell of a way of writing him off of TV for awhile.
- Why oh why does Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young have to be the punch line EVERY FUCKING TIME?! It ceased being funny SEVEN YEARS AGO.
- HOW DID THEY GET BRET HART?!
- Candice Michelle actually carried Kristall to something above a DUD. Not bad!
- Hey JBL! STFU on Torrie Wilson! Nobody gives a shit. Nobody has given a shit about Torrie Wilson since 2003!
- Man ECW, didn’t stand a chance in that battle royal, didn’t they?
Draft Picks
Raw:
- King Booker: SWEET! I’ve been a fan of Booker’s for years (probably one of the few). His royalty gimmick is also one of the funniest things I have ever bared witness when it comes to wrestling. Now RAW gets a newly made main eventer in their depleted main event scene!
- Bobby Lashley: Wow, umm… who didn’t see this coming?
- Snitsky: I like what my brother said “He’s like Brock Lesnar, only ugly.” Yeah, and Lesnar wasn’t exactly a looker either. Seriously, Snitsky didn’t add much before, and he won’t add much now. I guess the comfort is that he’s at least better than Khali and can at least fucking talk clearly.
- Mister Kennedy: YES! FUCK YES! NOW THIS IS AWESOME! Here we fucking go! Mister F’n Kennedy has fucking arrived! Wrestlemania 23 shall be the night of MMMIIIISSSSSTTTTEEERRR KKKEEENNNNEEEDDDYYY!!!
SmackDown:
- The Great Khali: YES! FINALLY! Since I don’t watch much of SmackDown, this really doesn’t effect me as a SmackDown viewer. However, it is a huge relief to have this lumbering idiot off of Raw. Stick him in the ring with Benoit and have him show the ropes. If that doesn’t pan out, then there is no hope!
Oh, and for those who still can’t decipher “Khali-speak.” First, I was literally typing gibberish, then I decided to actually do something with it. So, here it goes. I took a word, and split all of the letters to the beginning, typed up some garble, and then put the last letter of the word.
For example: The Great Khali Sucks becomes…
Thijuihe Greajknkjt Khaldjvji Suckfksjkjs!
- Torrie Wilson: I’m indifferent.
- Chris Masters: Well, he’s been very mistreated on Raw. Maybe he will stand a better chance on SmackDown?
- Ric Flair: Woo! Well, Raw doesn’t have to feel obligated putting him on the show anymore and Flair can continue collecting those checks.
ECW:
- The Boogeyman: I like what my brother said when he first saw Boogeyman for the first time ever tonight. “He’s like Papa Shango only he has a clock!”
Seriously, though, Boogeyman, ECW is perfect for him, especially after losing a lot of his edge with Mini-Me, this is the best thing for him to get his edge back.
- Chris Benoit: Hey, ECW just got an original and a fantastic wrestler. If it was anything like tonight’s, it is so going to kick ass! It kind of sucks that Benoit isn’t like on the main event scene of the other two shows, but this at least guarantees him top billing for ECW, while the others wouldn’t.
Now, let us take a look at my picks and see how many I got right: The ones I got right are in bold and maroon.
RAW: Lashley, MVP, Michelle McCool, Snitsky, and Matt Hardy
ECW: Rey Mysterio, Fit Finlay, Deuce, Domino, & Cherry.
SmackDown: CM Punk, Chris Masters, Johnny Nitro, Santino Marella, and Torrie Wilson
Basically… Raw lost a lot of dead weight and gained some future stars, SmackDown’s roster has been fleshed out a bit, and ECW replaced Lashley.
I’d be curious as to what happens for this “Supplemental Draft.”
Posted in Raw Abridged Recap |


























