RAW: Check out our changed Raw intro video. Now without Chris Benoit more boobs!

:: Triple H’s music plays::
Crowd: OMGWTFBBQPIZZA! HHH! LOL!
King Booker: No, its me. Yer see, I just fooled ALL of yer. After all, right, Triple ‘ calls ‘imself the Kin’ of Kings. I strip ‘im of the title Kin’ of Kings because yer see, I’m a kin’.
Crowd: We get it!
King Booker: Now, right, to yer, right, Jerry the Kin’ Lorler. Yer see, right, yor name ‘as kin’ in it, right, and I don’t like it. Deny fy favver and remove fy name!
Jerry the King Lawler: Uhh… sure. That makes signing paychecks easier.
King Booker: Now kiss me peni…err… rin’! Struth!
Jerry the King Lawler: Uhh… no. Why don’t you go kiss Sharmell’s peni… err… ring!
King Booker: Yer dare defy ter me, then? Kin’ Booker?! Oi!
Jerry the King Lawler: Uhh… yeah
King Booker: Oh, right, okay. Thanks any road! Right!

Ric Flair: I am just here to make the crowd go WOOO!

Jeff Hardy: I am a rainbow-haired warrior!
Shelton Benjamin: I am a no-haired warrior!
Santino Marella: I am a “I’m firing my barber”-haired warrior!
William Regal: I am a Just For Men-haired warrior!
::Jeff Hardy wins::

Edge: Who the hell is Bobby Lashley?

Todd Pettingill II: Randy, what are your plans tonight?
Randy Orton: Tonight, I plan to beat off on Cody Rhodes! Tonight, I plan on ending the legend of Chris Benoit Zorro!
Todd Pettingill II: Did Bob drop you on your head?
Randy Orton: It wasn’t his fault! He was wearing a cast!

Maria: Don’t leik be sad Santino, kay?
Santino: But I am!
Maria: Well, leik, what would make you not sad, as if?
Santino: If you ride my cock
Maria: Leik, ummm, I don’t know what that means, but okay!

Batista: Who do I think will win? Well, how about I give you a pussy answer and say “the fans?”

Snitsky: Argh! Matey! Look at my teeth!
Val Venis: For god sakes, someone give me a new gimmick!
::Snitsky wins::

Todd Pettingill II: Cody! What do you plan on doing tonight?
Cody Rhodes: Not look at the camera!

Jerry the King Lawler: Now, I am here to explain to you what a Bullrope Match is in case you are a fucking retard. You see this rope! They use this in the match… hence the name, Bullrope Match! There is even a cowbell here!
Crowd: We got a fever! And the only prescription is more cowbell!
Christopher Walken: It will never end…

Randy Orton: Time to die Goldust!
Cody Rhodes: I am green, much like my tights!
::Randy Orton wins::

Steve Austin: What do I think? I think someone needs to shut up my ex-wife! She is speaking way too much on the Chris Benoit domestic abuse situation!

Melina: I am here to “wrestle!”
Beth Phoenix: Everybody like my new boobs?
Mickie James: Hey, I think we went to the same doctor!
Candice Michelle: Everyone like my new jeans?
Guys Everywhere: … … … …
::Melina wins::

Hacksnort Jim Doogan: I have a 2 by 4!
William Regal: Give me some wood, baby!
Ron Simmons: …. DAMN!

Mick Foley: Who do I think will win? Well, I was talking the other day to KID ROCK and MARTIN LAWRENCE, and we all agreed that SOMEBODY will win!

Carlito: I spit in apple the face of people who don’t like my music!
The Sandman: I spit beer in the face of people who think I suck!
William Regal: I spit tea in the face of people who thinks I colored my hair!
Hacksnort Jim Doogan: I spit splinters in the face of people who tries to take Old Glory from me. TOUGH! GUY! HOOOOO!!!!
:: No content ::

Mister Kennedy: Tonight, weighing in 244 pounds. The man who thinks Marc Mero is an idiot for his beliefs on the Chris Benoit situation for just being a poopy head! MIIIISSSTTTTEERRRR KKEEENNNEEEDDDYYYY!!!!
Super Crazy: Uno dos!
::Mister Kennedy wins::

Weird Voice: We can rebuild him! We can bring back Triple H! Great timing considering the Chris Benoit unidentified situation.

Coach: Today, we will have a debate with Democratic Presidential Candidates… First… here is a big angry black man, BOBBY LASHLEY!
Bobby Lashley: I am intense!
Coach: Next, here is a pseudo-black man, JOHN CENA!
John Cena: Oh, you guys!
Coach: Cena, will you lose this Sunday?
John Cena: Am I supposed to be a man, am I supposed to say, it’s OK, I don’t mind. I don’t mind. Well I mind! I mind big time? And you know what the worst part is? I NEVER LEARNED TO READ.

Coach: Is that true?
John Cena: Yes, everything except the reading part.
Coach: Riiight… Lashley! Are you sending us a message?
Bobby Lashley: Yeah, my message is for you Coach to shut the fuck up or I will fuck your face up! RARRRRRR!!!!
Coach: Okay, that’s it! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!
Bobby Lashley: That’s my line!

::credits roll::

RJ45’s Perspective:

• I liked Cody Rhodes! He’s better than his brother was at this stage in his career! Give him some time to develop and I think we could have the real successor to Dusty Rhodes. Anybody else wanted to see him bust out the bionic elbow?
  

• Lashley vs. Cena is built up well. Now if only I would give a shit…
  

• Anybody else wish they could reach to the sky and have a microphone appear in their hands just like Mister Kennedy?
  

• Way too much William Regal for this show’s own good.
  

• Looks like Snitsky will be WWE’s next Kane/Umaga/Khali/Brock Lensar. Although you could hear a pin drop in that arena. Then again, that usually happens when they start building monsters in wrestling. First, no one reacts… at all, then, out of nowhere, they go crazy for them.
  

• WWE should release Sandman. He’s pretty useless.
  

• Looks like Triple H has his first feud when he comes back with King Booker.

Well, that is it for this week! Till next week guys! Hope I did okay!