King Booker: Jerry Lawler, bow down to me.
Jerry Lawler: Hell no. Get out of my sight!
King Booker: Okay…

Melina: Hey Beth, I think we can play a big game today. Let’s play, whose breasts are the fakest looking!
Beth Phoenix: YOU WIN!
Melina: I… mean, hey wait… we haven’t even started yet!
Beth Phoenix: YOU WIN! I’m the runner-up.
Mickie James: I agree! I get third!
Maria: I get last place, then, as if!
Melina: AHHHHH! THAT’S NOT HOW YOU PLAY THE GAME!
Maria: Like, how do you, like, win, then?
Melina: You know the car crash tests with Crash Test Dummies?! We do that!
Santino Marrella: Hey Melina, Beth… you have something on your feet!
:: Maria & Mickie win! ::
Santino Marrella: Let’s have a threesome!

Snitsky: I’m a sociopath. I heard so from Detective Elliot Stabler last week.

Toad Grisham: Cena, what do you think?
Cena: I think I want to titty fuck Candice… oh yeah, and the match tonight is BOGUS!

The Sandman: I’m bringing my wood!
Hacksnort: I’m bringing my wood!
William Regal: I wish I had some wood!
Carlito: Stop talking about wood!
::Carlito & Regal win ::

William Regal: Good match!
Carlito: Everything is going my way… except for this nasty apple!
:: Carlito spits at Bobby Lashley ::
Carlito: Dude, I’m sorry
Bobby: That’s okay, it was an accident. I understand.
Carlito: Oh gawd, what do I do?!
William Regal: RUN, YOU FOOL!
:: Carlito runs into the ring ::
Carlito: Bobby Lashley. I am SO… SO… SORRY!
Bobby Lashley: Well, Carlito, It is o…
Carlito: YOU DO NOT ACCEPT MY APOLOGY! CARLITO ATTACK YOU!
:: Lashley destroys Carlito, including a sweet jump over the ringside steps ::

Cody Rhodes: Aww crap, here we go again!
Randy Orton: Listen Goldust… you may think you have me. But you don’t!
:: Randy Orton wins ::
Dusty Rhodes: For the last time, this is Cody. Goldust isn’t with us. He’s with TNA god now!
:: Orton kicks Dusty Rhodes in the head ::
JR: By gawd! Boomer sooner! BBQ Sauce! Dusty Rhodes just got kicked in the head! Oh my gawd there’s people in there!

Kennedy: Miiisssstttteeerrrr Keeennnnneeeddddyyyy… Kennedy!
Jeff Hardy: Right…
:: Jeff Hardy wins by countout ::
Kennedy: COUNT OUT?! I didn’t even know that was a rule!

Eerie Voice: Triple H is coming. We can rebuild him. We have the anabolic steroids that were seized from the Chris Benoit investigation prescribed for a legit medical reason… we can assure you of that.

Brian Kendrick: I thought when you go to Raw, you get bigger and better
Paul London: Well, apparently WWE is mad at me over the whole telling everyone about Ashley being on Survivor. It is not like I told the fans about the planned main event for Wrestlemania 24 being Snitsky vs. Batista
Brian Kendrick: First of all, I hate you for ruining our careers. Second of all, that’s a pretty shitty main event.
Shelton: We are…
Charlie Haas: the World’s Greatest Tag Team!
Brian Kendrick: Great, we get to lose to these jobbers!
Paul London: This is about as bad as WWE planning on turning Umaga face
Brian Kendrick: SHUT UP ALREADY!
:: The World’s Greatest Tag Team wins ::
Paul London: Shut up about what? The main event for Summerslam being John Cena vs. Randy Orton?

King Booker: Jerry Lawler, bow down to me.
Jerry Lawler: Hell no. Get out of my sight!
King Booker: Okay…

Umaga: Grrr….
Cade: We are not Brokeback Mountain
Murdoch: Yeah, we’re Bareback Mountain!
Candice: Well, at least I won’t have to worry about being ravaged then…
Cena: I wouldn’t go that far.
Umaga: Grr… Candice Michelle… you look TASTY!
Jeff Hardy: Not as tasty as eleventeen chairshots!
:: Cena wins ::
Randy Orton: Cena! I have a question. Cena… Cena? Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!
Cena: WHAT?!
:: Orton gives Cena the RKO! ::
Randy Orton: Where is the nearest restroom! I got lost!
Coach: Your number one contender for the WWE title is… Randy Orton!
Randy Orton: What? Really? SWEET!

:: credits roll::

• Is it just me, or if this wrestling thing doesn’t work out for Santino Marella, he has a future as a play-by-play guy?
• I don’t think I had ever seen anyone jump over the steps quite like Bobby Lashley did tonight.
• I get really tired of JR doing the “Quiet serious” crap sometimes.
• Having identical segments for the King feud is stupid. Once is enough to get the point across.
• A man making another man fantasize is a little creepy. (Cena/Toad segment)
• Not a bad Raw, overall.

Till next time! 

 RJ45