Hey, I am going to give this a shot every once in awhile, let me know what you think!

Last Week: Kurt Angle faces a hell of a lot of people!

Stupid Interviewer: Kurt, the odds are stacked against you. What do you think?
Kurt Angle: I think I have all of the belts!
Karen Angle: Kurt, I don’t want to do this!
Kurt Angle: You be my bitch! Read the rest of this entry »

Randy Orton: Holy shit, I’m already in the ring! Okay, what to talk about? What to talk about? Well, last Saturday, I RKO’d Cena.
Mr. McMahon: I have a child and I learned that my offspring is a male… and thank god, because I won’t have to wipe out my memory of the “contract signing sessions” for the divas.
Randy Orton: Hey, I thought this was my interview!
Mr. McMahon: Yeah, but, its the first 15 minutes of the show. I’m always supposed to ramble on at the beginning of Raw. That’s my thing.
Randy Orton: Gotch’ya.
John Cena: I’m here! I’m still walking. Not even hurt!
Mr. McMahon: You know, I think I fucked your mother
::Cena slaps Mister::
Mr. McMahon: Hey, what did you do that for? Was it something I said?
Randy Orton: You’re dead mate!
Mr. McMahon: Tonight you face… The Undefeated Snitsky!
Crowd: Who?

Read the rest of this entry »

WWE: Now with 25 percent more cowbell!

Last Week: Mister McMahon is somebody’s baby’s daddy!

WWE Superstars: Uhh… how did we get here?
Tommy Dreamer: Last thing I remember I was doing shots with some chick in a bar, then I woke up out here…

Val Venis: That one chick with the black dress and big boobs?
Charlie Haas: DUDE! I think that is how we all got here!

Mr. McMahon:As it turns out, I am somebody’s baby’s daddy. This woman is withholding the name of my son or daughter. This is extortion and the United States Government does not negotiate with terrorists!Crowd: Who’s your baby?!
Stephanie McMahon: Well, I am!
Crowd: That’s not what we meant!
Val Venis: YOU!!!! That’s the chick from the bar!
Stephanie McMahon: Hey Mister
Mr. McMahon: Hey, you don’t call me Mister, you know what you call me. Because its all about the money! Money money! Yeah Yeah!
Stephanie McMahon: Asshole, one of these WWE Superstars is your son or daughter.
Mr. McMahon: Well, isn’t that just fucking swell? Well, let me take a look at the obvious candidates… Great Khali
Great Khali: Righfksdjkfdsjkt!
Mr McMahon: Ron Simmons…
Ron Simmons: Mic—MAHON!
Mr. McMahon: and Ric Flair.
Ric Flair: WOO!}
Mr. McMahon: I HAVE MY EYE ON YOU!

Lashley: I was injured. Listen to my story as told by this sad funeral music.

Kennedy: My name is MIIISSSSTTTTEEERRRR…
The Sandman: Kennedy! I have to stop you from making the biggest mistake of your life.
Kennedy: Wha… who are you?
The Sandman: … I am you. I am from the future. I came back in a time machine to stop you from making the worst decision in your life.
Kennedy: Okay, smarty pants. What makes time travel?
The Sandman: The flux compassitor
Kennedy: … … …
::Kennedy from the present wins::
Kennedy: MIIISSTEEERRR KKENNNEEEDDDYYY!!!… Kennedy

Coach: Okay, Mister, since you have been diagnosed with HIV. I need a list of all of your previous fuck buddies.
Mr. McMahon: Get a pot of coffee going. This is going to be awhile.
Ric Flair: WOOO!

William Regal: Tonight is WWE Idol!
Michael Cole: HELP!
JBL: I need somebody!
Michael Cole: HELP!
JBL: Not just anybody!
Michael Cole: Heelll…
JBL: Dammit. You suck! Hey Ron Simmons! What is your favorite 80s band?
Ron Simmons: WAM!

Cryme Tyme: Money money! Yeah Yeah! Now, we auction off this chair!
Lil Bow Wow: I am offended by your perpetuation of negative racial stereotypes
Konnan: OIL OF OLAY!
Some Douche Bag: I will take the chair!
Lance Cade: Time to fight!
Trevor Murdoch: I’M CONSTIPATED!
::Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch win by DQ::

Robbie: I’M ROBBIE!
Snitsky: I’M ON PCP!
::Snitsky wins::

Mr. McMahon: I’m a slut
Boogeyman: I’m the Boogey Man!

The Grish: Welcome to WWE Idol!
William Regal: Pleasure to be here.
Maria: Leik! OH MY GOD!
Mick Foley: Buy my book!
Jillian Hall: I can sing just like Britney Spears!
William Regal: Well, might of as well change the event to Roe vs Wade because that was an abortion!
RJ45: :: writes down that insult for later ::
Howard Finkel: AND NNEEEEEWWWWW!
Nikolai Volkoff: Hail Soviet Union!
Iron Shiek: Hail Iran!
William Regal: NEXT!
Lillian Garcia: I can sing!
Santino Marella: MOZARELLA!
Ron Simmons: …. … DAMN!

Cody Rhodes: I am AMERICAN DREEEAAAAMMM!
Charlie Haas: I remember when I was king…
::Cody Rhodes wins::

King Booker: Crown me! Put it on my dome!
Jerry Lawler: Nope… because at Summer Scam, you will face… this man!
Triple H: I WILL BE COMING BACK!
Crowd: Where the fuck is Triple H?
Booker: I am so angry, time to destroy Sir Jerome!

Randy Orton: I am a legend killer! I killed Ziggy Stardust!
Carlito : I spit in the face of people who still my music sucks
Ooo-Manga: GRRR!!!
John Cena: This will be a good one…
:: Cena and Ooo-Manga wins::

RJ45′ Perspective:

• Yeah, I am on auto-pilot this week.
  

• Considering the entire main event roster is on the DL, the Summerslam card is looking decent. Hopefully they will take lemons and make lemonade.
  

• I swear, the guy in the front row for Cryme Tyme’s skit was Konnan! Seriously!
  

• The Mr. McMahon angle is compelling. Of course, we all know who it will be… BIG DADDY V!

Till next week!

Love,

RJ45

Dr. Frankenstein: HE’S ALIVE! HE’S ALLIIIIIVVVEE!!!
Mr. McMahon: Yes… yes, I am. In fact, I staged my own death for the hell of it. You know, to shake things up for a couple of years. But then Chris Benoit died I changed my mind. However, tonight I will dig my grave deeper by taunting Congress, the media, and my family. Oh yeah, WWE Roster Minus Main Eventers, you are now all fighting for a position I should have filled 2 years ago… GENERAL MANAGER!
WWE RAW Roster Minus Main Eventers: SWEET! Read the rest of this entry »