Opening Credits: I hope its years before they change this song.

Coach: Lets look at the last 8 days.
Last 8 Days: Da Dramaz!
Coach: Randy Orton, you are suspended for using handcuffs! We agreed that the safety word was “cheeseburger!” and he didn’t respect that! Now here is Mister McMahon!
Mr. McMahon: I am tired of Triple H! He smells like poo poo! You see that cage up there? Guess what?
Crowd: We are going to have a match…
Mr. McMahon: WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A MATCH! Triple H will be facing Carlito. But that is not all…
Crowd: It is going to be a handicap match!
Mr. McMahon: It is going to be a handicap match! And you will never guess his tag team partner.
Crowd: Umaga
Mr. McMahon: ME!Â
Crowd: The fuck? HEY!
Mr. McMahon: Now, meet my son! HORNSWOGGLE!
Hornswoggle: Top of the morning to you, pop!
Mr. McMahon: Now that you are a McMahon, here is your first gold digger… MELINA!
Melina: Give me that pot of gold, Horny! BTW… is it true what they say about midgets?
Hornswoggle: She may be a gold digger, but she’s got huge tits, so they cancel each other out!
Coach: Make me permanent boss instead of pretend boss!
Cena: GRR! I’M ENRAGED AND ANGRY!
Mr. McMahon: That’s it tonight! You will surrender the belt… maybe… its up to Coach

Cody Rhodes: My father is a legend!
Hardcore Holly: Everyone else is suspended or fired, so I am back, baby! Hey… its a n00b. MMM… fresh meeaaat.
:: Hardcore Holly wins ::

Stone Cold: For god sakes, buy the new DVD for The Condemned! My mom says its the best movie she has ever seen!

Randy Orton: I want to congratulate John Cena for being the smartest champion since I was champion for 30 seconds! TONS OF BLOOOOD!Â

Santino Marella: Mamaia! I rescued the Princess!
Maria: Riiggght…
Ron Simmons: DAMN!
Santino Marella: OWIE! You hurt me! What are you doing? I take countout!
:: Ron Simmons wins by countout ::
Ron Simmons: DAMN! … fucking pussy…

Jillian Hall: Melina! How could you be interested in Hornswoggle? He’s little!
Melina: Are you an idiot? I’m gold digging! In fact, I will have a shot at the woman’s title.

Rory: Hey Trevor… Lance. Lets have a title match!
I’M ROBBIE: I’M ROBBIE!
Trevor Murdoch: No.
Rory: Well, then how about a Kilts on a Pole Match?
Lance Cade: If your kilts are on a pole, what are you supposed to be wearing?
Rory: Let us show you!
I’M ROBBIE: I’M ROBBIE!
Lance Cade: YUCK!
Trevor Murdoch: I don’t know about you, but I like what I am seeing…

Triple H: I don’t know what theme music I want.
Carlito: At least you have options, mine sucks.
Mr. McMahon: I’ve had the same theme song for 8 years!
:: Mr. McMahon and Carlito win! ::
Mr. McMahon: HA HA! Its all about longevity in your theme song!
Carlito: Oh shit… I guess that means I am going to get my ass kicked now.
Triple H: Yup…

London: We are already in progress!
Kendrick: Yeah!
Trevor: I’M CONSTIPATED AGAIN!
Lance Cade: Righteousness!
The Highlanders: Its Heel Turn TIME!

Melina: Hmmm… there’s a camera guy in the shower. I am sure NOTHING will happen during this seemingly normal shower.
Hornswoggle: So that’s what it looks like!
Melina: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hornswoggle: Come to papa!

Steve Austin: Seriously, but the fucking DVD! I have alimony payments!
Santino Marella: Wa Ya! Woohoo! YAAAHOOO! WAHA!

Mr. McMahon: I beat the smart kid! I beat the smart kid! I beat the smart kid!
Triple H: McMahon! We’re having a match next week!
Mr. McMahon: OW! I bent my wookie…

Jeff Hardy: Me… Jeff…
Candice: I’m from Milwaukee!
Shelton Benjamin: Did I dooo thaaaat?
Beth Phoenix: I’m a GLAMAZON!

Coach: John Cena MIGHT Lose his belt! Oh, and as for Randy Orton being suspended? PSYCHE! Randy Orton reminded me that the real safety word was “Chaquita.” So, he’s no longer suspended.

Coach: Okay Cena! Get your cute little butt out here!
Cena: What’s this about my butt?
Coach: Give me your belt!
Cena: NO!
Coach: YES!
Lillian Garcia: NO! In fact, by order of Mr. McMahon you now face each other in a tables match!
Coach: Dammit! I knew having a table set up in the ring was a bad idea…
:: John Cena wins ::
Hornswoggle: IT WAS ME! You see… I’m a guy. My last name is McMahon. Therefore, I am Mr. McMahon!

:: Credits roll ::

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- One Year Later, and Papa Roach’s “Want to be Loved” has gotta be the best theme song since the original Jazzy theme they had when they first started the show 14 years ago. Definitely better than Union Underground’s piece of shit theme that we had to put up with for close to 5 years. (GOD DAMN!)
- Hornswoggle holding the ropes for the lady is a great site. I like the direction that this is going in.
- At least we got a main event! Even if it was 50 seconds long.
- I really do dig the whole Glamazon gimmick for Beth Phoenix. It really works for her. Now what doesn’t work is Shelton Benjamin’s hair. What the hell is up with that?
- There’s a Pay Per View event in 2 weeks? What the hell?
- The mix tag match gets match of the night honors. In fact, Jeff & Candice actually have in ring chemistry. They might want to consider following up on that.
- Seriously, why do they always make the mistake of putting tables in the rings for things that are “official.” Nothing ever goes right!

 

Till next time!

RJ45