I didn’t fall asleep. It isn’t Christmas Eve. It isn’t New Years Eve… MONDAY NIGHT RAW ABRIDGED IS BACK!

William Regal: Sorry I didn’t punch your son.
Mr. McMahon: Sorry about your face.
William Regal: Huh?
Triple H: RAR! ME ANGRY! ME WANT TO DESTROY WILLIAM REGAL! RAR!!! CAVE MAN!!!

RAW: I JUST WANT TO BE LOOOVVVEED!

Shawn Michaels: Kennedy, get ready to get your teeth kicked in!
Kennedy: …
Mr. McMahon: Strange bedfellows match! HE HE!
:: Commercial break ::
Trevor Murdoch: Wait a second, how did I get in this match?
Charlie Haas: Beats the shit out of me. How do you like my mask?
Trevor Murdoch: Huh?
Charlie Haas: SSSMOKIN!
Kennedy: That’s it! Michaels, I am going to kick your ass!
Shawn Michaels: But we are tag team partners!
Kennedy: So?
Shawn Michaels: I guess you have a good point there!
Charlie Haas: Uhh… guys… match?
Kennedy: OH YEAH!
:: Kennedy & HBK win! ::
Carlito: I’m hardcore! That’s cool!
Sparky Plugg: I spit in the face of people who don’t want to be Hardcore!
:: Bob Holly wins ::

Maria: Me an airhead!
Mr. McMahon: All the divas, get in your underwear and fight with pillows! POST HASTE!

T-Grish: Hey Jeff! Your brother Matt got the shit kicked out of him last week. What are your thoughts?
Jeff Hardy: I’m angry…

Hornswoggle: HA HA HA HA!
Mr. McMahon: TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES!

Melina: Watch me nearly trip over my own fucking feet… again and again… but this time, I’m in my underwear!
Jillian: Britney… oh Britney Britney Britney… tsk tsk…
Maria: I’m posing in Playboy, much to the delight of just about every male fan!
Mickie James: Bouncy Bouncy!
Ashley: I AM BACK! Look at me! I’m punk!
:: Ashley wins ::

Triple H: ME FIGHTING REGAL! ME NO LONGER IN ROYAL RUMBLE! ME PISSED!
William Regal: Witness the power of the punch!
Triple H: Bloooooodd…
:: Triple H wins ::

Hornswoggle: Partner?
Santino Marella: I hate midgets!

Y2J: BREAK THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ WALLS DOWN, BIYOTCH!
Mr. McMahon: HANDICAP MATCH!
Snitsky: Somebody get my Isaac Yankem, DDS!
JBL: Just what the world was waiting for… MY RETURN! Hery Jericho, I have a great idea!
Y2J: What’s that?
JBL: How about I do one of those boring extended never-ending heel beat downs that bores the shit out of everybody!
Y2J: WORKS FOR ME!

The Highlanders: EVIL SCOTTISH MEN!
Hornswoggle: Everybody is after my lucky charms
Some Guy: I COULD GO TO THE RUMBLE! WOO!
Mick Foley: I don’t think so! BANG BANG!
:: Mick Foley & Hornswoggle wins ::

Umaga: EVIL NASTY THUMB!
Jeff Hardy: Hey, didn’t I beat this guy like 9 times already, including for the Intercontinental title that nobody seems to remember that I have! What’s a cage going to do?
Randy Orton: HOW DARE YOU POINT OUT FLAWS IN WWE’S LOGIC! Just for that, I will stand outside this cage looking rather menancing the entire match!
Jeff Hardy: Oh well, might of as well put in a 4 star match!
:: Jeff Hardy wins ::

————————-

RJ45’s Perspective:

- Like it or not, half of the excitement of Raw Roullete is watching the wheel spin. We got robbed of that for the half the matches. LAME.

- Will somebody just fire Melina already before she ends up killing someone or herself!

- I hate never-ending heel beat down segments. They’ve been done to death and weren’t that exciting the first time I saw them. Not a great way to get us into a Jericho/JBL feud that nobody wanted to see in the first place.

- Despite all of that, Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga was pretty fucking awesome. Hardy has really been taking his game up a notch and there is a possibility, IF he continues to put on those kinds of matches, that I will buy him as a main eventer.

- So Maria is posing in Playboy, eh? Well, this is the first spread I am looking forward to since Christy Hemme’s a few years back. Ashley did nothing for me (just another Barbie doll only with a punk rock edge) and I already saw Candice’s first spread. Before that, we had Sable & Torrie… SEEN IT. Maria is amazingly hot to begin with and isn’t another Barbie Doll, so this should be good.