People have been wanting me to write something on wrestling, and last night, I was handed a gem. I might do a periodic review on this, I might not. Depends on both feedback and time.

When I read the news that Mike Adamle was taking over on commentary on ECW, I HAD to watch! Maybe Jeff Harvey was going to make an appearance!

Now, I am going to review his action. Although, it is time for me to do a preemptive strike on potential trollers…

Comment: “I’d like to see you do better!”
Response: I did. I announced for an indy fed for a very very VERY short while (man those were a great 2 weeks) and although I was bad (mostly green due to no announcing experience at all), I wasn’t Mike Adamle bad. Please keep in mind this guy has been involved in sports television for 30 years!

Comment: Don’t like it. Don’t watch it! Get a life!
Response: Actually, I do like it, but in the “So bad, its hilarious” kind of way. And yes, I have a life. I don’t spend every minute of every waking day criticizing WWE commentators. I am just here to entertain and inform.

Now… as for Mike Adamle, well, what do you get when you throw a guy who doesn’t know jackshit about wrestling, can’t get wrestler’s names right, and has a bad hairpiece… you get this night of endless fun!

Quotes of the night:

- “If CM Punk does well, then he could very well, uhh… cash in the title shot tonight!”
- “Jamaican me crazy, Kofi!”
- “Unos, dos, adios!”
- “I had a chance to talk to Mike Knox earlier today about this match about what his strategy was for defeating Tommy Dreamer. He said he is going to do it slow and methotical.”
- “If you look at Morrison. You probably think he looks like Tarzan, but hits like Jane. That is until you see him in the ring!”

Best Name Fuckups:

- The Tazz
- WW Tag Team Champions
- Mike the Miz
- The Mold Standard… Sheldon Benjamin
- M n M (Miz and Morrison)
- The Calculated Cuban

Best Move Fuckups:

- The Flying Legkick (in place of dropkick)… which surprisingly this isn’t the first time I have heard it been called that by an inexperienced announcer. Heroes of Wrestling Pay Per View from 1999 was first. By the way, why call it “Leg Kick.” There is no “Arm Kick!”

ACCIDENTALLY GIVING AWAY “THE BIG WRESTLING SECRET“: From my days as an indy announcer, someone needs to let Mike in on the big secret that wrestlers work on the left side of the body. So there is no need to say “left arm” or “left leg.” Just say “working on the leg, there.”

Why do they just work on the left leg and arm? I don’t know the exact reasoning. But my best educated guess is that it has something to do with most people being right handed and trying hard not to potentially injure said right arm/leg.

TIPS FROM THE PROS:

Don’t know anything about what is going on? Then take a tip from the pros! These guys had no idea what they were doing as announcers, but they managed to “just get by” for years. Follow their ways, you can too can be just like them Mr. Adamle!

Larry Zbysko: Make references to chess!

Dusty Rhodes: Everybody be a clubberin!

Don West: Just pretend to have an orgasm over EVERY LITTLE THING!

Tony Shiavone: Scream “OH MY GOODNESS!”

Vince McMahon: If all else fails, say “WHAT A MANEUVER.”

So Mike, learn from the masters! They will help you!

Mike Adamle’s Weekly Homework

Alright Mike, if by any chance you are actually reading this, here is your homework for the week!

1. WWE SmackDown vs. Raw 2008 for XBox 360

Go to “Create a Moveset” mode and study every fucking move. Its 98% accurate which is 97% more accurate than your move calling was. Plus, you learn the names of at least 40 WWE superstars and learn how to do some generic commentary if you play some rounds!

You will get a great wrestling history lesson here, see some fantastic matches, plus get exposed to commentators ranging from Gordon Solie to Bobby “The Brain” Heenan to Jim Ross! Get a feel for a lot of the great commentators in the business! Find out a lot of why wrestling fans tune in week in and week out!

It would be kind of handy to know the history of ECW since you are, you know, working on that brand and all. Even if this ECW is nothing like the old one, its still good to know why Tommy Dreamer is so damn significant!

In conclusion, I think Mike Adamle could have done a lot worse… A LOT WORSE. I was expecting a train wreck of epic proportions, and just got an ordinary train wreck, but not quite to the level of “epic proporations.”

POSITIVES: I did like some of the enthusiasm he did bring to some of the matches and he did put a lot of focus on the action more than the storylines, which is a nice pleasant change.

NEGATIVES: Just about everything else, although for some reason I can’t help but like the horribly cliche’d “UNOS DOS ADIOS!” quote. I’m sorry.

The Periodic Mike Adamle Grade: 25/100 or F