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Monday Night Raw ABRIDGED 05.12.2008

May 13th, 2008 by RJ45

Lillian Garcia: GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!
William Regal: GOD SAVE YOUR FACE!
John Cena: No… God save YOUR FACE because, according to a few marks… you don’t respect the fans, this is WCW Thunder bad, ….you shit in a Grandma’s mouth.

William Regal: Well, sorry dude, but 2 girls, 1 cup really was…

John Cena: DUDE! SHUT THE FUCK UP! You’re crazy! You do a bad job!
William Regal: Vince thinks I do good.
John Cena: Vince is a douchebag!

William Regal: Well, if you fans think that… then I will suddenly and unexpectantly have a change of heart… but don’t worry, its only temporary. Cena, you face Orton and if anyone not involved interferes, they will be suspended!

John Cena: WORD LIFE!
Anyone with a brain: Uhhh dude, special gues…

John Cena: I said… “WORD LIFE!”

Rodney the Piper: I am here to kick ass and chew bubblegum… and I am all outta bubblegum!

Santino: I am angary. I am drink the vodka!
Carlito: I spit in the face of those who can not book!

Rhodes/Holly: Yes, we are the tag team champions!

Rodney the Piper: Hey Santino, I am going to create a diversion, and distract you so your oponent can hit their signature move and pin you!
Santino: Hey! IS THAT A DIVERSION CREATED SO I CAN GET DISTRACTED SO MY OPPONENT CAN HIT THEIR SIGNATURE MOVE AND PIN ME! How dare you! Do you know who I am? I’m the Jugger…

:: Rhodes/Holly win! ::

Mr. Kennedy: KENNNEEEDDDY!
Snitsky: Sniiitzxky

:: Mr. Kennedy wins ::

Mickie James: Hey Cena, wanna go out on a date?
John Cena: Nah…
Mickie James: Wha? Are you serious? Have you ever looked at me?
John Cena: I’m kidding! DUH!

Melina: KARATE KID PART 3 ACTION!

Beth Phoenix: I’m angry!
Maria: Yipee! Skippy!

Mickie James: Bouncy Bouncy!
Maria: Hey, is it true you are going to fuck John Cena tonight? That’s the talk of the whole locker rom!
Mickie James: Wha? I just asked him out on a date 2 minutes ago, how could have the news travelled so qui…

Beth Phoenix: Melina! You have BESMIRCHED ME!

:: Mickie & Maria win! ::

WWE Fans: This just in, 72% of us are retards!

Y2J: HBK, I’m saw-ree! I’m so… SOOOO SAW REE!!!

HBK: Nah, I was faking it!
Y2J: No you weren’t.

HBK: Must not be good at telling when someone is faking it, I take it? Oh, well, how about a little music!
Y2J: OHH! I brought my latest Fozzy album!
HBK: SWEET CHIN MUSIC!

Jeff Hardy: Can ya see the writing on the WALL!!! I’m back, and I am free of pot!

William Regal: You are a sinner, SUNSHINE! So now, you face YOU MANGA!

You-Manga: GRRR!!!

:: Jeff Hardy wins ::

Cryme Tyme: Ghetto Stereotypes!
Cade/Murdoch: Redneck Stereotypes!

:: Cade & Murdoch win ::

Lance Cade: Hey, Trevor, SING!
Trevor Murdoch: Ya gotta know when to…

Lance Cade: PSYCHE! :: Cade punches Murdoch ::

JR: BY GAWD! BOOMER SOONER! Trevor Murdoch has been broken in half! BBQ SAUCE! THERE’S PEOPLE IN THERE!

Beth Phoenix: Melina! I am MAD at you! BEAT DOWN TIME!

Melina: AHHH!!

Referees: OMG! Why are we always too late?!

Toad Grisham: So Randy, what are your thoughts?

Randy Orton: At Judgment Day, Triple H will win my World Title!

Toad Grisham: Riiiggghhht..

Randy Orton: New theme song, female dogs!

John Cena: Same theme song, male dogs!

Crowd: Lets go Cena! Lets go Randy!

William Regal: And now, in the middle of the match, your new referree…

John Cena: Earl Hebner?
William Regal: JBL!

John Cena: WHAT! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN! I didn’t see this coming! WHAT?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING SLICK WILLY!

:: Randy Orton wins ::

Triple H: INTERFERENCE TIME!

Cage: What… how did I get here?

Triple H: SEE ME ANGRY ON TOP OF CAGE WHILE RANDY ON GROUND! GRRR!!!

:: credits roll ::

RJ45’s Perspective:

I remember Randy Orton’s last theme song at first, I was like “WTF?” but now I love it. I imagine his new theme song should have that same effect. The person who needs a new theme song though is SHAWN MICHAELS. A remix… something… anything! He has used the Michael Hickembottom-sung version of Sexy Boy since 1993!
This was a much better RAW than in recent weeks. Thank you WWE for toning down William Regal’s new character a little bit. He was getting on the edge of “lets change the channel”-ville.
I imagine WWE will have SmackDown add one more match to Judgment Day. I swear WWE has forgotten how to book Pay-Per Views since they went to nothing but co-branded Pay-Per Views.
I understand that WWE has been trying to rebuild the prestige of many of its lower titles. The Intercontinental Title, especially, was raped of its prestige back in the Attitude era with the title changing hands every week.
However, NOT defending the titles will also make us forget about the belts, and when the team of Cody Rhodes and Hardcore Holly come out for a title defense, you get more “OH YEAH! That championship!” rather than “Oh boy, we are getting a treat today.”

Seriously, I think WWE needs to drop one of the Tag Belts and move the Tag Division to RAW and merge the IC and US titles (again) and have that defended on SmackDown. What do you think?
HBK/Y2J has proven to be kind of a dumb feud over nothing. However, their match should still hopefully be a MOTYC.
Not sure what WWE has planned for Trevor or Lance after that match.
Jeff Hardy has returned! There, now hopefully he can lay off the drugs once and for all so we can have our next big thing arrive already!

Alright, till next time!

RJ45

JUDGMENT DAY PREDICTIONS:

WWE Title, Steel Cage: Triple H (c) vs. Randy Orton

PREDICTION: Triple H

For the Vacant World Title: The Undertaker vs. Edge

PREDICTION: Edge

JBL vs. John Cena

PREDICTION: John Cena

Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho

PREDICTION: No contest

WWE Tag Team Titles: Miz & Morrison (c) vs. Kane & CM Punk