Monday Night Raw ABRIDGED 05.19.2008
This edition is basically AUTO PILOTED! I may try to work in another ABRIDGED to make up for it, I might not.
PAPA ROACH: I just want be la-a-a-a-oved!
Jeff Hardy: NO MORE DRUGS!
YOU MANGA: GRRR!!
:: Double Countout ::
King Regal: It will be Jest Harvey vs. You-Manga at One Night Stand in FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE!
Deacon Batista: Jericho, You’re hurt!
Jericho: I don’t care cause… we have match… TONIGHT!
King Regal: I am your King!
Mr. Kennedy: I challenge you!
Mr. Kennedy: I challenge you!
King Regal: NO! Next person who interrupts me is fired!
Mr. McMahon: Go ahead and try!
Mr. Kennedy: You can’t fire him. He’s the boss! NENER! NENER! NENER!
Mr. McMahon: SHUT UP! That’s it! You two, you fight tonight in a YOUUUUURRR’EEE FIIIRRREEED! MATCH!
King Regal: WHUT?
Melina: Beth Phoenix hurt my feelings! I am hurt! I REALLY AM HURT! SHE HURT ME! I HAVE HURT FEELINGS!
Beth Phoenix: GLAAAMAZON!
Maria: Playboy Cover Girl!
:: Beth Phoenix! ::
Melina: RARRRRR! BETH! YOU HURT ME! ATTACK! ATTACK! ATTACK!
Katie Lea: Mickie, you are fucking your way to the top?
Mickie James: AM NOT!
Katie Lea: AM TOO!
Mickie James: AM NOOOOOOT!
William Regal: HBK, your match with the winner of the match featuring your last two PPV opponents will be A STRETCHER MATCH at our next PPV. Damn, we sure have a lot of Pay-Per Views, but hardly anything to book on there. You know, it reminds me of a time when I was in Blackpool on Holiday. There was this delightful…
HBK: Yeah dude, you can like shut any time now…
Jericho: AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!
Batista: ITS CLOBBERING TIME!
:: Batista wins ::
HBK: FLAME ON!
Rodney the Piper: I am not Santino Marella, I am Rodney the Piper! I beat up ladies on my retirement matches!
Cousin Sal: You are hung like a 4th grader!
Rodney the Piper: 4th graders are maturing very rapidly in this day and age. I mean, I have pictures….
Ron Simmons: DAMN!
Rodney the Piper: APOLOGIZE!
Roddy Piper: DESIGNATED DRIVER! DESIGNATED DRIVER! CAKE IN THE FACE!
Rodney the Piper: I want match with Cousin Salvadore!
Roddy Piper: HE ACCEPTS!
Cousin Sal: WHUT?
King Regal: Is this match really on?
Mr. McMahon: Yes! Now, BE GONE!
Ted Dibease: WHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Kennedy: MIIIIISSSTTEERRR KENNNEEEDDDYY!… KENNNEEEDDYYY!
King Regal: They have some excellent Coke backstage!
Kennedy: No thank you, I prefer DIet Coke!
King Regal: Tha… that’s not… THAT’S IT! ITS A NO DQ MATCH!
Kennedy: Oh… OKAY!
:: Kennedy wins ::
King Regal: NO! NOT FIRED!
Crowd: Wait… WWE seems to be cueing us to sing some sort of song, but… what?
King Regal: VINNIE! OPEN THE DOOR! MY CLOTHES ARE IN THERE!
Teddy Long: YO! SUP?!
Smarks AND Marks Everywhere: YEAH!
King Regal: What does this mean?! WHAT COULD THIS MEAN?!
Randy Orton: I hear voices in my head! They Council Me! They Understand! They Talk to me!
JBL: I’m rich! You’re not!
John Cena: My character is toned down!
Triple H: I’m the Ace of Spades! THE ACE OF SPADES!
:: Randy Orton & JBL ::
JBL: Cena, you me… FIRRRST BLOOOOOOD!
Randy Orton: Triple H… you, me… LAST MAN POOPING!
JBL: Standing…
Randy Orton: STAAANNNNDDDIIINNNGG!!!
RJ45’s Perspective:
- What is up with these wrestlers fucking up the biggest push of their lives? Congrats to Regal on your new drug suspension! May you languish in mid-card hell for the rest of your career! Note to WWE: Promote that one guy that won that one ladder match that doesn’t do drugs. Provided he is who he says is, he should be a sure bet on not fucking it up.
- Not a whole lot from me this week in terms of thoughts. One Night Stand is going to be another thrown together PPV. The next one I am ordering is Night of Champions.
I will be more than likely missing next week cause I will be on my honeymoon! So see you all in 2 weeks!
RJ45
Posted in Raw Abridged Recap |