Monday Night Raw ABRIDGED 07.28.2008: Mike Adamle is the New GM
Sorry for missing last week’s edition. I just had a “I just don’t feel like it” week.
Cena: Check out my new shirt.
Crowd: BOOO!
Cena: Is that Boo or Boo-Urns?
Crowd: BOO!
Cena: That’s right, Batista lives here.
Cena: That’s right, Batista lives here.
Batista: That’s right, I do live here.
Cena: Lets wrestle!
Shane-O-Mac: NOT SO FAST! Tonight, our new GM made a tag match with you two versus Kane and JBL.
Shane-O-Mac: NOT SO FAST! Tonight, our new GM made a tag match with you two versus Kane and JBL.
Cena: Say… …WHHAAAT?!
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Monday Night Raw ABRIDGED 07.14.2008
Last Week: Is he alive or dead?!
Shane & Stephanie: We are disappointed in all of you! We’re watching. If anarchy continues, consequences will occur!
HBK & Jericho: Holy shit, how did we get here?! Oh well, lets fight!
Kane: Cole, I AM SORRY! I’M SOOOO SORRY!
Michael Cole: Ummm… okay
Mickie James: The wonderful thing about Mickies, is Mickies are wonderful things! Their tops are made out of rubber, their bottoms are made out of springs! They’re bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy! Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun!
But the most wonderful thing about Mickies is… I’m the only one!
But the most wonderful thing about Mickies is… I’m the only one!
Katie Lea Burchill: I’m drop dead gooorrggeeoouss!!
:: Mickie James wins ::
Paul Burchill: NO WAY! MY SISTER LOST TO MICKIE?! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN?!
Kofi Kingston: How about I just go Jamaican You KERAZY!
Paul Burchill: That’s it, we wrestle now!
Kofi Kingston: Sounds good!
:: Kofi Kingston ::
Paul Burchill: DAMMIT! I lost again!
Santino Marella: Striker, tonight I challenge anyone!
Matt Striker: Fascinating!
Kane: WHERE IS CM PUNK?
Santino Marella: Did you try the Pepsi Machine?
Kane: GRRR!!
Kane: CM Punk, I want a match!
CM Punk: Sounds good!
CM Punk: Sounds good!
T-Grish: Cena, what kind of match is a parking lot brawl?!
John Cena: Its a brawl… in a parking lot!
T-Grish: …
John Cena: SO WATCH’YA GOIN TO DO BROTHER WHEN THE CENESTERS AND CENAMANIA RUN WILD ALL OVER YOOOUUU?!
Santino: Come on anyone, get out here!
Beth Phoenix: HOW ABOUT ME?!
Beth Phoenix: HOW ABOUT ME?!
Santino Aww crap, not Chyna!
:: Beth Phoenix wins ::
:: Beth Phoenix wins ::
Kelly Kelly: STREEETTCH!
Kelly Kelly: I’m very very hot.
Cody Rhodes & Ted Dibiase Jr: But we are Simply Priceless!
Jim Duggan: HOOO!!! You got growing up to do! HOO!!!
Cody Rhodes & Ted Dibiase Jr: You are pathetic, and you need to grow up, too!
JBL: I agree, so Cody & Ted, join me in the main event!
CM Punk: Its go time!
Kane: ME SO ANGRY!
:: CM Punk wins by countout! ::
Kane: ME SO ANGRY!
:: CM Punk wins by countout! ::
Kane: BEAT DOWN TIME!
Batista: I don’t think so!
CM Punk: Well thanks buddy!
CM Punk: Well thanks buddy!
Batista: I’m not your buddy!
CM Punk: HOW?! Dammit, I am pissed off! LET ME PUSH YOU!
Batista: EAT SPINEBUSTER!
CM Punk: HOW?! Dammit, I am pissed off! LET ME PUSH YOU!
Batista: EAT SPINEBUSTER!
Chris Jericho: I am a serious man!
Lance Cade: And I am double serious!
Paul London: What the hell? How did I get here?!
:: Chris Jericho wins … DUH! ::
Lance Cade: And I am double serious!
Paul London: What the hell? How did I get here?!
:: Chris Jericho wins … DUH! ::
Chris Jericho: London, make a choice for your career! Don’t be like the liar, Shawn Michaels!
Shawn Michaels: No, you’re the liar, you big meanie!
Shawn Michaels: No, you’re the liar, you big meanie!
Jamie Noble: Layla, we could be a couple!
Layla: I don’t date shorties!
Jamie Noble: I will have you know that, statistically, the man’s average erected penis length is 5 to 7 inches!
Layla: Ummm… that’s not what I am talking about. But take on the next guy you see to show that you have a pair below Mr. Average!
Snitsky: NASTY TEETH MAN!
Jamie Noble: Brush your teeth!
Snitsky: SNITSY SMASH!
Layla: I don’t date shorties!
Jamie Noble: I will have you know that, statistically, the man’s average erected penis length is 5 to 7 inches!
Layla: Ummm… that’s not what I am talking about. But take on the next guy you see to show that you have a pair below Mr. Average!
Snitsky: NASTY TEETH MAN!
Jamie Noble: Brush your teeth!
Snitsky: SNITSY SMASH!
JBL & Simply Priceless: Priceless… we’re simply priceless.. and we have moneyz too!
John Cena & Cryme Tyme: We’re all pretend thugs!
:: John Cena & Cryme Tyme win by DQ ::
:: John Cena & Cryme Tyme win by DQ ::
JBL: RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!
John Cena: That’s it, I am going to do the idiotic thing and chase a heel out of an arena. Nothing bad has EVER come of this.
JBL: My car… TO YOUR FACE!
John Cena: SHIIIT!
JBL: Shit. I done fucked up…
JBL: Shit. I done fucked up…
:: credits roll ::
RJ45’s Perspective:
- A lot more wrestling this week. Thank you WWE, and you managed to balance that well with angles and interviews, as well.
- Oddly, I buy Beth Phoenix as a more credible threat in the men’s division than I ever did Chyna. I’d like to see more of that. The fans totally ate it up too!
- The good news is that our annual “Kane Goes Crazy” storyline is actually compelling. Who is dead or alive? What’s in the bag?
- The storylines are actually heading somewhere! Anarchy on the RAW roster which will lead to no doubt either the return of William Regal as GM or them naming SOMEBODY ELSE as GM. William Regal as GM/Commission/etc has been done to death. I’d like to see one of the following as GM: Jim Ross, a Diva, Santino Marella, Matt Striker, or even Jerry Lawler. Something different is always cool.
- CM Punk posing as no credible threat is NOT the way to get his reign off to a good start. Hopefully a win over Batista might fix that… or else, Batista is walking out this Sunday with the title.
Great American Bash Predictions:
World Championship
CM Punk vs. Batista
Predicted Winner: CM Punk
WWE Championship
Triple H vs. Edge
Predicted Winner: No Contest or a DQ on one of the side’s parts
ECW Championship
Mark Henry vs. Tommy Dreamer
Predicted Winner: Mark Henry
NYC Parking Lot Brawl
JBL vs. John Cena
Predicted Winner: John Cena
Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho
Predicted Winner: Chris Jericho
Divas Championship
Natayla Neidhart vs. Michelle McCool
Predicted Winner: Natalya Neidhart
Predicted Winner: Natalya Neidhart
Till next time!
RJ45
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Monday Night Raw ABRIDGED 07.07.2008 Is he alive or dead?
Stephanie McMahon: Daddy is still in critical condition. Everyone pull together and have a great show!
Vicky Guerrreo: EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME! I want CM Punk to surrender the title belt AND an apology!
CM Punk: Let me think about that for a second. Ummm… NO!
JBL: I want a rematch!
John Cena: I want a title shot!
Batista: ME WANT FOOD!
John Cena: I want a title shot!
Batista: ME WANT FOOD!
Kane: I, too, would like a total shot! I’M A MONSTER!
CM Punk: All of you all, fatal fourway tonight! Read the rest of this entry »
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Monday Night Raw ABRIDGED 06.30.2008: CM PUNK WINS!
Shane McMahon: Yeah, Vince is injured, but we aren’t telling ya anything, bitches!
Jim Ross: Farewell everyone!
Edge: I don’t think so! You do not get a farewell address! Edge Heads, escort Mister Ross out of here!
Edge Heads: With pleasure!
Edge: Alright, just so you all know, this title will never be defended against any RAW people, and this is my last RAW appearance! Ha ha ha ha nener nener, RAW has no Heavyweight Champion!
Batista: I’m pissed off!
Edge: Shiiiit!
Batista: It’s beat down time!
Killswitch Engage: EVEN THROUGH THE DARKEST DAYS! THIS FIRE BURNS… ALWAYS!
CM Punk: Money in the Bank!
CM Punk: Ref, start the f’ing match!
Ref: But we have to announce it first!
CM Punk: Fuck, who gives a shit?! Everyone knows what’s going on!
CM Punk: Fuck, who gives a shit?! Everyone knows what’s going on!
Lillian Garcia: This match is for the World Title!
CM Punk: START THE F’N MATCH!
Ref: Hold your horses, I need to swing my arm.
CM Punk: Swing the damn thing already!
Time Keeper: Ding ding ding!
CM Punk: GO TO SLEEP EDGE!
:: The winner and NEEEEWWWWW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION… CM PUNK! ::
Every Internet Wrestling Community Member: :: Cums in their pants ::
Edge: Wha… what happened? Wait a minute… did he just cash Money in the Bank? THAT’S NOT FAIR!!!
John Cena & The Undertaker: Yeah, tell us about it… EDGE.
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