Monday Night Raw ABRIDGED 07.28.2008: Mike Adamle is the New GM
Sorry for missing last week’s edition. I just had a “I just don’t feel like it” week.
Cena: Check out my new shirt.
Crowd: BOOO!
Cena: Is that Boo or Boo-Urns?
Crowd: BOO!
Cena: That’s right, Batista lives here.
Cena: That’s right, Batista lives here.
Batista: That’s right, I do live here.
Cena: Lets wrestle!
Shane-O-Mac: NOT SO FAST! Tonight, our new GM made a tag match with you two versus Kane and JBL.
Shane-O-Mac: NOT SO FAST! Tonight, our new GM made a tag match with you two versus Kane and JBL.
Cena: Say… …WHHAAAT?!
Kelly Kelly: Leik, wow leik… this is so cool. Inter, like, gender rules. AS IF!
D-Lo Brown: HEADBOP HEADBOP HEADBOP HEADBOP HEADBOP!
Santino Marella: I love the can of ass whip from ah Beth Phoenix! MAMA MIA!
Beth Phoenix: MEOW! HISSS! Santino, our relationship is strictly professional.
Santino Marella: AWW SHUCKS
:: Santino & Beth win! ::
Beth Phoenix: But where I live, its professionally okay to make out with guys you should hate.
Santino Marella: THAT’S A NICE A DONUT!
JBL: Shane, I want a title shot!
Shane McMahon: Take it up with the new GM!
JBL: Oh YEAAHH! SON OF A BITCH!
Jim Duggan: HOO!!!
Jerry Lawler: Time to bitch slap some kids!
Lillian Garcia: According to the new GM, there has been a change. It will be Simply Priceless versus Jerry Lawler and … Michael Cole. WTF?
Lillian Garcia: According to the new GM, there has been a change. It will be Simply Priceless versus Jerry Lawler and … Michael Cole. WTF?
Michael Cole: WTF? THIS IS VINTAGE GM!
Cody Rhodes: Piece of cake!
Ted Dibiase Jr: Like taking candy from a baby!
Cody Rhodes: Like robbing the blind!
Ted Dibiase Jr: Like Smoke on the Water on Easy in Guitar Hero 1!
Ted Dibiase Jr: Like taking candy from a baby!
Cody Rhodes: Like robbing the blind!
Ted Dibiase Jr: Like Smoke on the Water on Easy in Guitar Hero 1!
:: Ted Dibiase Jr & Cody Rhodes win! ::
Michael Cole: OWW!
Paramedics: We need to get Michael Cole out of here!
Michael Cole: THIS IS VINTAGE PARAMEDICS!
Michael Cole: THIS IS VINTAGE PARAMEDICS!
Mike Adamle: I got a call from Feetnickels and I am not sure why I am here! And here is my broadcast partner… THE JERRY LAWLER!
The Jerry Lawler: I HATE THIS NEW GM! He smells like poo poo!
The Jerry Lawler: I HATE THIS NEW GM! He smells like poo poo!
Jamie Noble: I am the rising star!
Kofi Kingston: I be Jamaican You Crazy!
:: Kofi Kingston wins ::
JBL: First of all, shut your face Adamle!
CM Punk: Its time to wrestle!
William Regal: I’m back, and I’m a drug free kid! Hey CM Punk, didn’t I beat you for The King of the Ring!
CM Punk: OH SNAP!
William Regal: I’m back, and I’m a drug free kid! Hey CM Punk, didn’t I beat you for The King of the Ring!
CM Punk: OH SNAP!
:: CM Punk wins ::
JBL: I’m getting a closer look!
Kane: No, I AM GETTING A CLOSER LOOK!
Kane: No, I AM GETTING A CLOSER LOOK!
Chris Jericho: I hate Shawn Michaels. I broke him! Now, here’s some my highlights as a good guy!
Highlight Reel: DOINK! STEPH’S A WHORE! SAVE US! CAKE IN THE FACE!
Lance Cade: Jericho showed me the light!
Chris Jericho: I deserve a World TItle shot at Summerslam!
Jim Ross: BY GAWD! GREAT TO BE BACK! I got a call. I don’t know why I am here! BBQ SAUCE!
Mike Adamle: I was doing great till YOU got here!
Jerry Lawler: Actually, you suck.
Jerry Lawler: Actually, you suck.
Mickie James: BOUNCY!
Jillian Hall: HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!
:: Mickie James wins! ::
Katie Lea Burchill: I am attacking you! I hate you because I wear my pants high!
Paul Burchill: My pretend on-screen sister is hot!
Toad Grish: Shane, who’s the new GM?
Shane-o-Mac: Wouldn’t you like to know?
Shane-o-Mac: Wouldn’t you like to know?
Toad Grish: Umm yeah, I would. Who is it?
Shane-o-Mac: Well…would YOU like to know?
Toad Grish: … … …
Shane-o-Mac: Well…would YOU like to know?
Toad Grish: … … …
Cena: Cryme Tyme. I don’t need your backup this week!
Cryme Tyme: Don’t trust Batista!
Batista: I don’t trust you Cena!
Cena: And I don’t trust you.
Cena: And I don’t trust you.
Batista; And I don’t trust… YOUR FACE!
Cena: Say… WHHAAAAAAT?!
JBL: I’m rich!
Kane: I have a bag!
Cena: I don’t trust Batista!
Batista: I don’t trust Cena ::
:: Cena & Batista win! ::
Shane-o-Mac: Our new GM is…. .. .. MIKE ADAMLE!
Mike Adamle: Greetings gentleman! At Summerspam it will be Josh Speena vs. Daven Batoosti!
Mike Adamle: Greetings gentleman! At Summerspam it will be Josh Speena vs. Daven Batoosti!
John Cena: Say…. WHHHAAAAAT?!?!?!
:: credits roll ::
RJ45’s Perspective:
- The good news is that Mike Adamle no longer The Voice of Extreme. The bad news is that he now gets to fuck up his words live every week! Believe it or not, I think that Mike Adamle was actually not a bad choice. It sure is compelling and makes me want to watch next week, at least! Hey, ratings went up on ECW when he joined, mostly because people tuned in to watch him fuck up. Its also going to make writing jokes for Monday Night Raw ABRIDGED just that much easier!
- Okay, JBL is past his prime and his worth. Fuck, he wasn’t worth that much in the main event to begin with. He was in some classic matches as World Champion, but he draws flies, at best. He’s just taking up screen time that could be going to a young guy, or move him to mid-card, where he belongs.
- Glad to see William Regal back! He looked great! Great match with CM Punk!
- The Santino-Beth Phoenix thing sure is interesting.
- Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels feud needs to do something different because this Jericho coming out and making long drawn out speeches has gotta stop. So, they need to pull the trigger on the chaos or people will tire of it quick… and do something different with Lance Cade instead of being just a prop!
- I applaud WWE for at least trying to take a new direction with mostly new stars, new storylines, and taking some daring directions.
Current Summerslam Card:
WWE Title: Triple H vs. The Great Khali
ECW Title: Mark Henry vs. Matt Hardy
Hell in a Cell: The Undertaker vs. Edge
John Cena vs. Batista
Not a bad line-up so far with mostly fresh matches we haven’t seen yet, and the match that we have seen is a continuation of a god-like series of matches between Undertaker and Edge, where now they take on Hell in a Cell! Triple H & Great Khali could be interesting because Triple H is usually the aggressor and not the underdog, even against Big Show, The Undertaker, or Kane! However, I think this might be different.
Predicted Matches:
World Title: CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho
Kane vs. JBL
MVP vs. Jeff Hardy
Suggested Matches:
Mixed Title Tag Match: Paul Burchill & Katie Lea vs. Kofi Kingston & Mickie James (Two Title Matches in ONE)
Till next time!
RJ45
Posted in Raw Abridged Recap |
August 5th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
[…] title shots! Mike Adamle: Tell ya what, we will have 2 titles shots in ONE. An Adamle original! RJ45: HOLY SHIT! Batista: Me want title shot! Cena.. in way. BAD! Batista not happy. Layla: DANCE FEVAH! […]