Monday Night Raw ABRIDGED 08.26.2008: One Night Only on Sci-Fi!
Sorry for the lack of posts the recent weeks. It has been crazy at work and so I’ve just had that weighed down at me. Hopefully I can continue now with my regularly scheduled posting. 
CM Punk: Alright, this is my opening interview!
Lillian Garcia: Ummm no… you have a match?
CM Punk: A match?
JBL: Alright, I am coming out to interrupt CM Punk’s opening interview!
CM Punk: A match?
JBL: Alright, I am coming out to interrupt CM Punk’s opening interview!
Lillian Garcia: NO! ITS A MATCH!
CM Punk: A match opening Raw, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!
JBL: Lets have a kick ass match. Raw hardly ever has one of those.
CM Punk: Sounds good to me…
:: CM Punk wins ::
Dipshit Fans: C M .. .P N U K!
Mike Adamle: John Cena broke his NECKS… so there will be a replacement that is worthwhile.
Kane: I like pain. Rey Mysterio is a punk.
Mike Adamle: Welcome Primo! You are Carlito’s brother. Me sorry about last week.
Primo Colon: That’s okay, but don’t compare me to my jerk brother, Carlito! PUH-LEEZ.
Shawn Michaels: I want Jericho… TONIGHT!
Mike Adamle: He’s not here. How’s the wife?
Shawn Michaels: You’re a douche…
Beth Phoenix: I’m Chyna… only better looking, better wrestler, better mic skills…
Santino Marella: AND BETTER FUCKING!
Beth Phoenix: …
Kelly Kelly: Let me accidentally bust open your nose…
Santino Marella: I object this busting of noses!
Beth Phoenix: Stay out of my match!
:: Kelly Kelly wins ::
Santino Marella: Something tells me that tonight is a sleep on the couch night
Beth Phoenix: No, something tells me that tonight is a I Beat the Shit Out of You Night
Charlito: Hint hint… I’m not really Carlito… I’m Charlie Haas
Primo Colon: You insult my family and my honor… I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL!
Charlito: Uhh…
:: Primo Colon wins ::
HBK: I am angry. Jericho! I want your bloooooood.
Y2J: I will hurt you.
HBK: I will hurt you.
Y2J: NO! I will hurt YOOUUUUUUU.
HBK: I want a match
Y2J: But… I will hurt you…are you sure?
HBK: Dude, you hit my wife, what the fuck do you think?
Y2J: Okay, if you insist… but I will HURT YOU.
Simply Priceless: We want our tag titles back!
Jerry Lawler: I want my molecules back!
Hacksaw Jim Duggan: HOOOO!!!!
:: Simply Priceless wins ::
Cryme Tyme: We want a match at Unforgiven!
Simply Priceless: You’re on! It will be priceless.
Cryme Tyme: Silly rabbit… TRIX ARE FOR KIDS! MONEY MONEY! YEAH! YEAH!
Batista: Me sorry Cena. Kane, this… personal… BATISTA SMASH!
Santino Marella: Watch out, my girlfriend can kick my ass!
Kofi Kingston: Ya mon! This Jamaican will kick your butt!
Santino Marella: RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!
Beth Phoenix: I don’t think so
Santino Marella: NO!!!
Beth Phoenix: SWERVE! I take out Kofi!
:: Santino Marella wins ::
Beth Phoenix: How can I stay mad at you… my Italian Stallion!
Santino Marella: You not mad? THANK GOD!
Mike Adamle: Your replacement for the Championship Scramble is… REY MYSTERIO!
Batista: THIS… PERSONAL!
Kane: I enjoy pain! In fact, EAT CHAIR!
:: Batista wins by DQ ::
Batista: You…Eat… CHAIR! SMASH! GRR!
:: credits roll ::
RJ45’s Perspective:
- I’m calling it right here… Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho is the Feud of the Year.
- Is it slightly scary that Jim Duggan & Jerry Lawler are still slightly better workers than some of the n00bs WWE has brought in recently?
- Isn’t it a little funny that the tag team title match at Unforgiven is The Two Absolute Whitest Guys on the Roster Right Down to Their Theme Song vs. The Ultra Negative African American Racial Stereotypes?
- Santino Marella & Beth Phoenix have great chemistry.
- The championship scramble matches will go in one of four directions:
A. Be a lot of crazy fun
B. Be a huge confusing clusterfuck
C. Be boring.
D. A health combination of both A & BI am going to with D, personally.
Till next time, folks!
RJ45
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