Hey, did you know there was a Pay-Per View this Sunday? Well, if you missed all of last week on WWE, you wouldn’t have known. But yes, Judgment Day is upon us. Then, a mere 3 weeks later, we can expect One Night Stand. But for now, lets run down Judgment Day

Carlito vs. Ric Flair

The Story Thus Far: In what has been the WWE’s most random feud right now… one week, Ric Flair decided to scream at Carlito for not having any passion for the wrestling business. Then, they became a tag team. They started off great. Then they weren’t. Carlito turned on Ric Flair and Torrie Wilson. Now, they fight at Judgment Day.

RJ45’s Opinion: Expect Torrie Wilson to be the deciding factor in this screwjob. Carlito all the way.

Predicted Winner: Carlito via Outside Shaningans.
Predicted Time: 7 minutes

CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke

The Story Thus Far: ECW Veterans are old. Elijah Burke leads the ECW n00bs. He even recruited CM Punk, who then promptly left the n00bs to go out on his own. Now they fight!

RJ45’s Opinion: If given enough time, this has potential to be totally awesome. Both are great wrestlers, so this could be good! However, I don’t think they will be given enough time to make a great match.

Predicted Winner: Elijah Burke
Predicted Time: 6 minutes

2 out of 3 Falls, For the United States Championship
Chris Benoit vs. MVP

The Story Thus Far: MVP surprised the shit ot ouf everyone when he could actually wrestle a decent match. Now, he is having a series of great matches with Chris Benoit. Now, Benoit/MVP IV shall happen!

RJ45’s Opinion: I’d really like to see these guys get more than 11 minutes because it would be totally awesome! Give them a chance, WWE!

Predicted Winner: NEW United States Champion… MVP
Predicted Time: 18 Minutes

Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton

The Story Thus Far: WWE realized that they needed to add appealing matches to a card so it doesn’t have a totally low buy rate due to a lack of hype. Thus, this match was created.

RJ45’s Opinion: Wow… I love the last second booking here. Its like someone slept through their clock radio alarm for the Pay-Per View… then, they woke up, took 1 look at the time, and said “SHIT! We have a Pay-Per View This Sunday. Uhhh…. who else do we have? Okay… SHAWN! Orton! Give them 20 minutes. Uhh… there we go!”

Predicted Winner: Shawn Michaels
Predicted Time: 19 minutes

3 on 1 Handicap Match, for the ECW World Title
Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon, & Umaga vs. Bobby Lashley

The Story Thus Far: Vince is bald. He doesn’t like that. He won the ECW title. EVERYBODY doesn’t like that. Now they fight.

RJ45’s Opinion: I think they are going to wait till One Night Stand before Vince drops the belt Lashley… and this time, it will be ONE on ONE.

Predicted Winner: Vince McMahon
Predicted Time: 11 minutes

World Heavyweight Championship
Edge vs. Batista

The Story Thus Far: Everybody on Smackdown got injured.

RJ45’s Opinion: Edge just won the damn belt and the match was just booked on Friday. No way Batista is going to walk away with the belt, but I guess they needed a SmackDown main event.

Predicted Winner: Edge due to shaningans.
Predicted Time: 14 minutes

WWE Championship
John Cena vs. The Great Khali

The Story Thus Far: Great Khali is tall. John Cena is shorter than Khali. Now they collide.

RJ45’s Opinion: Umm… yeah, this is going to suck… big time.

Predicted Winner: Great Khali by Diqualification or Countout. Still, the WWE Champion… John Cena!
Predicted Time: 7 Minutes

I am starting hopefully a new column on the WWE. Mostly to sum up news and events. After all, we all love our Double Double E!

Roster Cuts!

WWE is making its round of roster cuts again. Let us take a look at the recent firees and what it means to the WWE.

Rob Conway - OH NO! NOT ROB CONWAY! In all seriousness, while he was the only decent wrestler in La Resistance, no one really gave a shit about what he ever did. Plus, he looked way too much like Chris Masters. Really, is anybody going to miss him? Hell, does anybody even know who he is?

Big Vito - Here is a note to WWE… Cross Dressing and Flamboyantly Gay Gimmicks DON’T WORK. The days of Goregeous George, Adrian Adonis, and Goldust are over. See Much, Too. See Chuck, Billy &. See  See Kwiwi (For god sakes, don’t ask).

Sabu - No big loss. Sabu only works well in garbage matches, and when he has RVD or Jerry Lynn as his opponent. Sabu apparently has backstage attitude problems and the only person helping him keep his job was RVD. Well, Sabu… you basically contributed all of nothing in the WWE. See ya!

Too Cold Scorpio - What the fuck? This is about as bad as Gangrel from the last roster cut. Apparently, the WWE rehired Too Cold Scorpio after he impressed staff in a dark match. Then, they had him sit at home and collect pay checks because they didn’t know what to do with him. He worked like 7 dark matches since last August and that’s it. After Gangrel, Marty Jannetty, and Tatanka… perhaps rehiring over the hill midcarders isn’t in WWE’s best interest.

I imagine TNA will pick up Sabu and Big Vito. You might even see Rob Conway! As for Too Cold Scorpio, looks like it is back to the Indies again.

INJURIES

Good grief, this year will be known as WWE’s Cast & Crutches Tour. It is the only time WWE Management will ever say “Well thank god Mark Henry is here.” If you work for Smackdown, my suggestion would be to get some insurance or find a new job. Seriously, let us take at the list of major injuries that have taken some great superstars out.

Triple H - Quadricep Tear, expected back in July 2007 - This is WWE’s HUGEST loss. WWE felt it too as they had restructure the entire Wrestlemania 23 card at the last minute, and just slid by. When he comes back, I think we can expect him to dethrone John Cena at Summerslam. THANK GOD.

The Undertaker - Bicep Tear, expect back in January 2008 - Well, this injury also came at a bad time. While no one expected The Undertaker to hold onto the World Title for too long, his reign was cut short when he tore his bicep at Backlash.

Kennedy - Tricep Tear, expect back in July 2007 - Of course, it gets worse! The person that Undertaker was supposed to drop the title to also got injured! So, WWE had to call an audible and give it to Edge. However, this injury may actually benefit Kennedy’s career provided he recovers okay. Kennedy is becoming insanely over and has potential to be the next big thing. He has the charisma. His in ring skills are good. As long as he doesn’t John Cena this and become a pure babyface, and more Stone Cold’s this and becomes a tweener… it will work. His journey to the World Title is coming!

Gregory Helms - The Stone Cold Steve Austin Neck Injury that requires Fusion Surgery, expected back in May 2008 - Well, this sucks. Gregory Helms had a very long Cruiserweigh Title that was cut over to Chavo for no real reason whatsoever. Then, he gets the dreaded neck injury. The kind that requires super invasive surgery and takes a year to recover from. Stone Cold got it. Lita got it. Edge got it. Chris Benoit got it. I’ve had neck problems, and I know it sucks. My pain was nothing like this, so I can even imagine the pain Gregory Helms must be in right now. I wish him the best in a speedy recovery. That’s all I have to say.

King Booker - Knee Injury, expect back in July 2007 - He’s coming back! I like Booker T. I enjoyed the King Booker gimmick, but its starting to run its course. When he comes back, they should have another Kind of the Ring tournament and have him lose his crown.

Rey Mysterio - Recovering from knee injury, expected back in June 2007 - YAY! Now here is some good news. Rey Mysterio should be coming back soon, and boy does Smackdown need him… badly. I think we should get a good feud going between Edge and Rey. That should be interesting, and produce good matches!

Hardcore Holly - Getting Elbow Surgery, expected back in October 2007 - Well, Hardcore Holly surprised the shit out of a lot of people when he came back. He did decent, and now he has that nagging elbow injury come back to haunt him. Poor guy.

Ashley Massaro - Recovering from Ankle Surgery, expected back in June 2007 - She’s due back soon. When she does come back, expect Kindrack and London to regain the Tag titles.

Super Crazy - Torn MCL, No More Information Available - What the hell? Did anybody notice that Super Crazy was gone? Seriously, when he does come back, put him on the ECW roster already!

Tidbits

WWE cancels December to Dismember - WOO HOO! This one was a sign that WWE had WAY too many Pay-Per Views. In Mid-October you had No Mercy. In November you had Cyber Sunday at the beginning & Survivor Series at the end. In December you had December to Dismember

WWE imploys new Classy Diva Policy, and then prompty removes it - Wow…that lasted all of 7 days. I knew WWE couldn’t go without boobies. Vince McMahon loves his women.

Snitsky to feud with Cena? - You know those stupid pointless vignettes we’ve been seeing of Snitsky? Apparently he’s the next person to feud with Cena after Khali. For the love of god, people… if you don’t have enough main event heels, don’t just promote the largest guy, give the title to a heel and have him feud with the plethora of main event faces.

Well, that’s all I feel like covering. Give me your feedback, and I just might continue this column!

Till next week?

I love my Double Double E!

RJ45

Last night, WWE hosted its annual post-Wrestlemania Pay-Per View… Backlash! Here is a rundown of what happened!

World Tag Team Championship
The Hardy Boyz vs. Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch

Predicted Match Length: 7 minutes
Predicted Winners: The Hardy Boyz

Actual Match Length: 15:13
Actual Winners: The Hardy Boyz

RJ45’s Perspective: Seriously, did anybody actually doubt that there would be any other ending to this match? Don’t get me wrong. Cade & Murdoch actually make a halfway decent tag team. Maybe about 8 months ago, I’d say they were taking the titles here. However, between getting buried by D-Generation X and a lack of any direction since then, there was just no way in hell.

Women’s Championship
Melina vs. Mickie James

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Predicted Match Length: 6 minutes
Predicted Winner: Mickie James

Actual Match Length: 9:10
Actual Winners: MelinaRJ45’s Perspective: Okay, why the hell did Melina win? Exactly what does she have to offer? She can’t wrestle. She’s not gorgeous. Her opponent was. Sure, she has huge fake breasts, but who in the WWE does? She is not that great on the microphone. About all she has is her uncanny ability to do the splits, and that’s about fucking it!

When is Beth Phoenix going to come back? When is Natalie Neidhart going to make her debut? Perhaps it is time to move Jillian and Michelle McCool over to Raw?

United States Championship
Chris Benoit vs. MVP

Predicted Match Length: 18 minutes
Predicted Winner: MVP

Actual Match Length: 12:45
Actual Winners: Chris Benoit

RJ45’s Perspective: Hmmm… well. Not much to say here.

3 on 1 Handicap Match for the ECW Championship
Bobby Lindsey vs. Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon, and Umaga

Predicted Match Length: 16 minutes
Predicted Winner: Lashley

Actual Match Length: 15:30
Actual Winners: Vince McMahon

RJ45’s Perspective: Isn’t that just fucking swell? Vince McMahon is one of the few people to now have held both the WWE Championship and the ECW Championship. That list now also includes Rob Van Dam and Big Show

So what is next for ECW? Well, I expect one of the  equations to happen. Vince drops the belt either on Raw or on Tuesday, he keeps it till One Night Stand where he will ceremoniously get destroyed by either Lashley or another competitor who will step up to the plate, or he keeps it for a very very long time.

World Championship
Last Man Standing
Batista vs. The Undertaker

Predicted Match Length: 23 minutes
Predicted Winner: The Undertaker

Actual Match Length: 20:30
Actual Winners: Draw!

RJ45’s Perspective: Another big “no surprise” here. It is going to be awhile before Batista ever becomes the World Champion again. With WWE now having all cross brand Pay Per Views, we can probably expect Batista/Undertaker III at Judgment Day. Just remember, Kennedy’s title reign is JUST around the corner!

WWE Championship
Fatal Four-Way
John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Edge vs. Randy Orton

Predicted Match Length: 45 minutes
Predicted Winner: John Cena

Actual Match Length: 18:30
Actual Winners: John Cena

RJ45’s Perspective: Well, I was way off on the time here, but yeah, Cena keeps the belt… again. Orton got pinned in what can only be described as a degrading ending when HBK superkicked Cena and he “fell on Orton” who got pinned. Yeah, we are not stupid. So begins the burial of Orton. ::starts weeping:: Hey, if Orton being a jerk backstage again leads to less “TONS OF BLOOD!” promos, then I’m good.

Seriously, the world title scene on Raw is getting borderline stale. I think its about that time of year where we have the WWE draft. We didn’t have any last year, but I think this year can only benefit the WWE. It is definitely time to mix it up!

RJ45’s Stats…

Predicted Times (within 2 minutes of predicted time): 2 for 6 (33%)

Predicted Winners: 2 for 6 (33%)

This Sunday, WWE hosts their annual Backlash. Generally, this Pay-Per View is decent.

WWE also realized that the brand extension was stupid to begin with and is slowly phasing it out. To begin, now all Pay-Per Views host all three “brands”…which can only benefit ECW, if nothing else.

Women’s Championship
In Ring Liability vs. The Smoking Hot Mickie James 

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The Story Thus Far: For no real good reason whatsoever, WWE gave Melina the title. Of course, they never really saw her wrestle before, obviously. After nearly killing off the rest of the Women’s Division, WWE will give the title back to their best female wrestler on the roster… and hey, she’s hot too! We’re talking about Mickie James!

Predicted Match Length: 6 minutes

Predicted Winner: Mickie James

United States Championship

Chris Benoit vs. MVP

The Story Thus Far: No one could believe that Benoit & MVP actually put on some damn good matches! Seeing the potential in a Match of the Year Candidate, they will have Benoit/MVP III this Sunday! Maybe they will get more than 10 minutes to do some magic?

Predicted Match Length: 18 minutes

Predicted Winner: MVP

World Tag Team Championship

The Hardy Boyz vs. Greg “the Hammer” Valentine & Constipated Man

The Story Thus Far: Ummm… there is no story.

Predicted Match Length: 7 minutes

Predicted Winners: The Hardy Boyz

World Championship & World Tanning Championship
Last Man Standing

Batista vs. The Undertaker

The Story Thus Far: Batista has an impressive tan. Undertaker, never to be outdone, hit the tanning bed for the first time in 90 years and now he has a good tan. They had a match at Wrestlemania that actually turned out to be really damn good. Now, they fight in a rematch in a Last Man Standing Match

Predicted Match Length: 23 minutes

Predicted Winner: The Undertaker

3 on 1 Handicap Match for ECW Championship

Bobby Lindsey vs. 1920s Gangster, Dancin’ Fool, and Shriveled Monkey Penis

The Story Thus Far: Vince McMahon was embarrassed when his head was shaved bald. Him and no hair? What the hell, I mean seriously… his head was SHAVED BALD. Did you hear me? SHAVED BALD!

However, in the end, he did get a bad ass hat, and now takes on his new persona… The 1920s Gangtser! He is joined by his son… The Dancin’ Fool, and Shriveled Monkey Penis. Who will all attempt to take the ECW World Championship away from Lashley! Hey, if Tito Santana can be the ECW World Champion, so can Vince McMahon!

Predicted Match Length: 16 minutes

Predicted Winner: Lashley

WWE Championship
Fatal Four-Way
BOO! Vs. Reverend HBK vs. Rated T for Teen vs. Banned in Europe

The Story Thus Far: John Cena won at Wrestlemania, but he wasn’t the better man as per Shawn Michaels’s memo. Edge thinks he deserves a 40^th chance and winning the world title, and we couldn’t clearly understand Randy Orton’s intentions because he can’t express himself worth a damn.

Predicted Match Length: 45 minutes

Predicted Winner: John Cena

Okay, now we are actually serious. Here is what to look out for

• Look for Batista/Undertaker to totally blow and not even get close to living up to their first match. However, Kennedy just might cash in his Money in the Bank… Bank contract and win the title.
• Chris Benoit vs. MVP just might be match of the night if they get more than 10 minutes to build into something good.
• Look for Hardyz vs. Rednecks to be no more than 7 minutes, tops.
• Expect Lashley vs. The Three Musketeers to be a huge clusterfuck. Look out for lots of outside interference including from Santino Marella, Estrada, and perhaps some other McMahons?
• Look for Mickie James to win the title and for the ending to be sudden and “WTF? Is that it?” like most Women’s Matches.
• The Fatal Four Way will be a lot of fun. Everyone will cheer on HBK, but John Cena will win again anyway.
• Only six matches? Look for another one getting added at the last second. 

I started cracking up when I saw this picture on http://www.thewrestlingfan.com/dumbest1.html

WWF/E sometimes know the worst thing possible to do. Back on September 13, 2001 in Houston, Texas, two days after 9/11… WWF decided to go ahead and host SmackDown anyway! After all, they were stuck in Texas that week anyway because Raw was in Dallas on September 10 and all flights were canceled. They must of looked at each and said “Oh what the hell, lets be insensitive!”

Believe it or not, it was a touching tribute. People got up and talked and gave their thoughts. Lillian Garcia delivered one of the best Star Spangled Banner performances you will ever witness. Of course, the whole show assed up when Stephanie actually compared the terrorist attack on the U.S. to when the U.S. Federal Government went after her daddy on steroid charges! She whined, “They said bad things about my family, but we became stronger.”

Oh yeah, you can bet that went over with pretty much nobody.

Anyway, wrestling fans, check it out: http://www.thewrestlingfan.com/dumbest1.html